THA TRIP

THA TRIP

Can’t Dance; Too Wet to Plow an the Mule’s Pregnant! Well now don’t that beat all!

Reckon that bout says it all when it comes to sangin, drawin pictures or roller skatin!

Buster could do a lot of thangs but those ain’t them. Walter don’t like no readin an neither does Howard but Jessie does. Buster an Jessie does all tha writin when it comes to it fer tha fellers. Walter is awful good at cypherin an jes plain figurin. Howard likes thangs that give him a run fer his money so no job is too tuff fer him. Fact is he likes ta take tha ones nobody else wants.

Now Buster’s Buddies always cum along with him an when thay was younguns seemed like Walter an Jessie was the littlest of tha bunch while Howard was in tha middle an Buster was tha biggest by far. Now Walter sprung up like a weed after he dun got outa high school. He was a little feller of bout 120 pounds an 5’5” or 5' 6”. Jessie was a mite smaller but both them boys would an could scrap. Walter was a mite more ta git on in tha mix than Jessie but when ya got Jessie riled up he would make ya think you was a grabbin a bobcat. Jessie’s maw was kinda worried bout him an all so she up an carried him off to tha doctor. Well, when that boy got on in thar he dun hollered out “she won’t feed me”! Now ifn that didn’t take his maw by surprise! Course tha doctor knowed Jessie’s folks an that his maw was one fine cook an by tha looks of his 2 sisters thay had plenty of vittles. Jessie jes didn’t fancy certain thangs ta eat, an shor nuff, it ain’t changed ta this day. Jessie don’t like nuthin that crunches agin his teeth his maw says an he shor nuff don’t like no corn. Buster would eat Jessie’s so’s his plate would be clean when he was over, an he didn’t like no steak or roast beef neither, so Buster would eat both theirs. Jessie dearly loved hamburgers though; even eat em fer breakfast. An don’t even take Jessie ta no car wash, I tell ya. He gets plum fractious over them thangs. Howard an Walter ain’t nearly as picky bout vittles but Buster has a little quirksome nature too. Don’t give that boy no liver or beets cause he’ll like ta gag like a gopher. Says them beets taste like dirt an thar jes ain’t no describing liver. Buster is real partial ta sweets an especially pie! Sweet tater pie, fried pie, pecan pie an coconut pie is his most favorite. Buster’s maw always made him a pineapple upside down cake when he had a birthday an he figured that was jes bout every week when he was little. Walter would even eat raw onions right outa tha garden an he got Howard ta eat one cause he was sick an said it would cure ole Howard. Well, on tha way ta tha house he dun got sicker than a dog an I do mean commode huggin sick! Howard figured Walter dun tricked him agin but he didn’t that time. He was jes tryin ta help but it didn’t do nuthin but clean Howard out. Howard don’t eat no onion no more neither.

Don’t rightly know how thay got ta tellin on tha boys but it goes ta show ya sum bout em though. All them boys was a one woman man too an was jes raised right bout them sort of thangs. Walter’s Uncle Jeff took a shine ta him an that was awful good cause it seemed Uncle Jeff was kinda vexed at times. He was a govmint man or Army or sumthin an shor would tell Walter sum excitin thangs that he would tell tha boys. Jessie’s grandpa was a good un too like Buster’s. Thay would carry them boys with em everywhar.

Howard rode motorsicles an raced all tha time. Got ta be right good at it an was gonna be a professional till he wrecked an busted out his front teeth an broke a pile of his bones ta boot.

He was layed up fer a spell an decided that was nuff of that fer him ceptin jes fer fun. Now ole Walter been throwed a few times hisself. Busted up sum ribs an knocked his shoulder outa socket. Buster was always beat up tusslin or workin or playin football. Jessie was in good shape till he dun got tha diabetes. Buster got tha fatness an Walter got tha gout. Howard got sum hurts too an I guess thay cum by it honest as thay was inta sumthin all tha time.

One thang bout it though, thar cull pile weren’t very big when it cum ta work. Thay’d tackle anything! Thar paws had ta make em quit at nite as thay jes wouldn’t stop till thar work was dun. It didn’t make no never mind what kinda job thay was put on, thay’d git er dun! All them boys rode horses an plowed with mules but Walter dun it every day an has all his life but not like his big brother Mike. Like I tole ya before; Walter won’t ride nuthin but a gray. Howard an Buster dearly loved speed. Walter liked ta gom round an so did Jessie. You can bet yore bottom dollar Howard an Buster was a leadin tha pack an tha race was on ta see who got thar first.

Don’t know if y’all ever ben round a Dryer before. Buster’s grandpa Gus had one whar thay took all thar rice an soybeans an sum of tha other farmers crop too. When it cum a rain tha water would drain ta tha elevator leg an stand. Sumbody had ta climb down ta tha bottom an dip it out an clean out all tha mess it made. Stink ta high heaven, I tell ya! Thar would be all manner of dead critters in thar; chickens, rats, dogs, millions of skippers an snakes sometimes. Ya jes had ta hunker down an reach up in thar an git pullin it all out. When Buster got home after he dun tha job his grandma would scrub him with vinegar an lemon juice ta git rid of tha smell. But it had ta be done. Walter had ta custom cut with his paw an he larned tha ropes with tha hoboes like I said before. Met all kinds of fellers down on thar luck an worked all kinds at that. Thay all had sumthin ta teach him, Walter tole tha boys. Howard went ta workin with his paw in tha dirt bizness. Jessie (I’m spillin tha beans) went ta lawyerin school but he shor dun his part when he was growin up. Jes doin chores ta make a livin is nuf said.

I’m a finally gittin ta tha point bout tellin bout a trip them boys dun took. Jes remember when them boys set thar minds ta sumthin thay can be mule stubborn, but Jessie takes tha cake ta bein set in his ways, I tell ya. Not that he ain’t a considerin type feller but it takes right smart a doins ta change his mind that’s fer shor. You jes gotta prove up ya know; as tha ole sayin goes “you can tell a tiger by his stripes”. Buster is right thar behind him, then Walter. Howard jes hangs back an don’t say much. Jessie don’t say much neither but when he does; ya better listen!

All right I’m gittin thar but it jes takes a bit ta gittin this all straight.

Well, it all started on a notion. Don’t rightly know whose idee it was but it cum bout an thay took off.

WEST, er, EAST

First off thay had thar maws pack em sum good eatin vittles fer tha road. Thay was a drivin Buster’s Ford an had er packed ta tha brim. Tha boys dun saved up sum of thar wages thay made on tha side an had a purty fair amount of hard cash an if ya remember, sum of tha winnins of Buster’s poker playin plus Walter’s wheelin an dealin in sum hogs he had. So thay headed out West pullin a homemade trailer Walter an Howard dun welded up. Thay was a totin motorsicles an campin gear an all manner of odds an ends thar maws an paws made em take. Right offa tha bat thay got turned round an headed East an ended up in Tennessee. Buster an Jessie had kin people from tharbouts an Kentuck as well so thay jes figured that was as good a place as any ta lite fer a spell. Now tha Pughs had a knack fer makin tha purest Blue Moon ya ever put a liplock on. That likker went down as smooth as silk but had tha kick of a mule when it hit bottom. Ish (Cecil), Buster’s very own first cousin, was in from racin up in Charlotte an he said he was goin ta show tha boys round a bit. The boys got thar on a Saturday nite an Ish says he knowed tha place ta go.

Thar was a gospel singin over ta tha Looper place in thar barn thay had fixed up an thay had 3 gals purty as a picture an tall enough ta dance with. The Looper gals could shor nuff sang an had a passel of thar hill girlfrens ta tha meetin that nite. Ish dun interduced the boys ta all an ta those gals an thay shor took a shine ta tha boys. Thar weren’t no dancing right off but plenty of hand clappin an foot stompin while the Looper gals an thar family played music an sang. Then sum of tha other folks round bout sang too. Ish dun whispered kinda soft like ta tha boys ta meet him out back. Tha sangin an a little preachin an prayin was over bout then anyway an thay was jes startin up a shindig. Tha ole fiddle an banjo began ta ring all round that barn, I tell ya, an then a geetar jumped in thar too. Thar was a old peeanner off ta tha side an feller with red suspenders was poundin them ivories an joined right on in. Boy howdy, did tha party take on off an tha boys were shor nuff grinnin an ready fer tha dance. When thay met up with Ish, he had a couple of tha local boys that was his frens out thar an thay all shook an talked a bit then one of them boys brung out a jug. Ish tole tha boys ta take a lil swaller an that thay was in fer a treat. Now Ish didn’t figure tha boys knowed much bout white lightnin an was waitin ta see thar eyes roll up like winder shades. Didn’t happen with the boys though. Thay could write a book on home brew an likker an it was dearly loved an cherished by Buster more than any of em. Anyhow, thay all got ta feelin thar oats cause thar jes wadn't no way not ta git a buzz with that kinda likker. Now Jessie dun took up dancin at tha schoolhouse an boy was he a cutting a rug with one of tha Looper gals. The middle one I think. She stood a full head an shoulders taller than Jessie; least a foot or so. Quite a pair I’d say. She was tha biggest of tha bunch an here Jessie was tha littlest of tha boys. She jes would not turn Jessie a loose fer nuthin all nite long. Now Walter was purty dang good at a Texas 2 Step hisself an was not ta be out done by nobody. One of the other Looper gals sashayed up ta Walter an tole him he was hers an away thay went a strutin thar stuff. Howard weren’t no dancer but he jes had tha look with them cherry red cheeks an all. As tha nite wore on everybody was a havin a high ole time. So when it cum time ta pack up an head fer home, that’s when it began ta git real excitin. All tha folks dun left an Ish went ta git his Chevy, tha boys was a sayin thar goodbyes an thankin Paw an Maw Looper fer thar hospitality an a good time had by all. That’s when Paw Looper tole tha boys ta sit an visit fer a spell. He dun tole tha boys that since his gals dun took a likin ta em that he was a readyin for a marryin cum morning.

Now that made tha boys bout swaller thar tongue, I tell ya! Buster says ta Paw Looper; what ya mean ta marry up with yore gals. Well, Paw Looper says since all that sparkin last nite an tha huggin an kissin an goings on, he said tha boys jes had ta make it right. He says since he was a preacher he would marry up tha whole bunch at one time. You gotta know that that bigun had a holt of lil Jessie an wadn't bout ta turn him a loose; an that lil un latched on ta Walter till his circulation was plum cut offa his arm. Now tha oldest one of tha Looper gals hogtied Howard with her nite shawl all wrapped round em both an she weren’t bout ta let him em go neither. Maw Looper said she would go in an make up thar marryin beds an then after the festivities an all tha chivaree could commence. Now Buster wadn’t in on tha marryin up since he done had this all figured out an tole em all he was afflicted like an all. So he eases on out an catches Ish out by tha outhouse an tole him what was a goin on. Ish says “Lordy Mercy” I never figured for this but he knowed that fer years them gals was lookin fer husbands. Ish an Buster made up a plan real quick like an Buster tole Ish he knowed jes how ta git tha boys attention an look fer ta fetch em. Buster knowed thay’d cum a runnin soon as thay got free of tha gals. Well, Ish took that jug an poured it all round tha outhouse an tole Buster ta git tha boys when he cranked up tha Chevy an cum ta tha south side of tha barn. Thar was a ole loggin road over thar that he used ta run shine on ta git away from tha po-leece. He’d cut back over tha mountain an hit tha highway with tires a burnin an nobody ever would catch em after that. Buster an tha boys had a call thay heared on a Tarzan picture show an Buster was tha only one of tha bunch that could imitate it perfect like. It was Buster’s way of gatherin em in when sumthin was afoot. Ish lit a chunk an set that shine ta burnin an sich a ruckus you never seed tha likes of started up. Maw Looper thought tha outhouse was a burnin an begun ta a screamin an hollerin an runnin round like a chicken with thar haid dun cut off. Paw Looper tole tha gals an tha boys ta fetch water at tha well an help put out tha fire. Bout that time Buster let out his peacock call an tha boys lit out a runnin toward Buster. Ish rounded tha corner on 2 wheels in a cloud of dust an hollered “git in boys”! Buster had tha doors an winders opened an tha boys piled in. Jessie jumped head long inta the winder an Buster pulled him on in; Walter dove in tha front seat with Howard on top of him. Tha race was on I tell ya! Bout that time thay all heared a cussin an a shotgun blast over tha car. Ish gave er tha gas an down that road thay went lickety split. Ish said thar wouldn’t be no harm cause tha fire was jes a ring round that outhouse an wouldn’t burn nuthin down atall. Ish says boys, I tole ya y’all would have a high ole time ta nite an shor nuff thay did; have a lil pull on this ole jug of Grandma Pugh’s; one fer tha road ya might say. Well, after a spell an thangs settled down a bit tha boys said thay ain’t never seed tha like fore this evenin, what a story. Close as thay ever wanted ta git ta a shotgun weddin thay said. Ish was jes a laughin an tole em thay needed ta hear a story or two from Buster; he dun had his share of mountain romance too tha last time he cum ta visit when he took Buster ta tha Red Dog Saloon. All tha boys got on back ta tha house an Buster’s Aunt Mamie, Ish’s maw, fixed up a mighty fine breakfast an Buster asked her ifn he could have sum of her cornbread an biscuits an gravy fer tha road. She asked tha boys ifn thay was headed out an thay all said yes as soon as thay was a dun eatin. She fixed em up right smart of groceries ta take with em an thay said thar goodbyes an took off headin north. Ish saw tha boys off jes a laughin an a waving an tole Buster ta git on back soon. Well, Walter, Jessie an Howard tole Buster it was tha dangest time ta be had, ever, but shor wadn't lookin fer another un like that soon.

All tha boys hollered, ‘Head er North Buster” an off thay went jes as snowflakes the size of a 2-bit piece took ta fallin.

NORTH, er, NOREAST

Seein how thay got sich a early start an all, tha boys figured thay’d make a lil detour over towards Buster an Jessie’s folks’ place whar thay first settled at Mt. Sterling, Kentucky. Cum ta find out that Buster an Jessie had ta be cousins as thar people all lived round bout that part of tha country. Ya see, weren’t no automobiles in them days; jes horses an buggies an walkin. Back in tha hills thar weren’t much of a place ta go ceptin right thar an folks jes had ta make do. So findin a husband or wife had ta be dun right thar with tha folks at hand. So, I reckon as fate has it, tha McBrayers an tha Tiptons was jes bound ta marry up in each other’s family some how or nother. Now in them days both sets of families was pretty well thought of, ya know. The Tiptons had a lawyer or 2 in tha family as well as 3 preachers an a Senator down at Frankfort . Now tha McBrayers had a distillery that made Old McBrayer whiskey. Sum of tha finest Kentucky Straight Bourbon thar was an it was even sent plum over ta England an other parts of tha world. Ole Hugh Forbes founded tha place way back in 1792. He was a Scottish feller an that’s how them McBrayers cum ta be thar. Thay cum from Scotland too an knowed tha Forbes Clan right well. Thang is, tha Forbes didn’t stay long an died out young. Tha Tiptons had been thar a sight longer; since tha 1600’s. Anyhow Buster an Jessie had folks that was kin by marriage an thay was plum tickled bout it. ‘Tween tha terbacky an that larypin good whiskey; folks did right well in them parts as thar was jobs an hard cash ta spend. Sum folks took ta mining an Buster’s people worked tha coal mines thar bouts too.

Tha boys dun pulled inta a station thar an was fillin thar tank an lookin fer a place ta stay tha nite when Jessie an Walter sidled up ta a old gentleman whitlin on a piece a hickory. Well, hickory shor wouldn’t be my first choice of wood ta whittle on bein it’s so hard an all, but that old feller shor was makin chips fly. Musta had tha sharpest dang knife in tha county ta do that. Anyway, Walter could git a rock ta talk ta him an he was a jes a chattin away when all of a sudden he dun hollered on over ta rest of tha boys ta cum on over. He said ya jes gotta listen ta what this feller has ta say. Well, that old man said he knew of both Jessie’s an Buster’s people an said thay had sum kin bout a mile down tha road. He was right proud ta meet that boys an commenced ta tie em up ta the folks he knowed all his life. They visited fer quite a spell an tole all bout there maw an paw an grandma an grandpa an everybody thay could think of as far back as thay each knowed. Shor nuff, tha old man said, that old maid an that grand niece of hers was direct kin ta tha boys. Said thay ort ta go on up fer a visit an jes say howdy if nuthin else. Well, tha boys said what tha heck an drove on up ta tha turnoff at tha lane ta tha house. Weren’t no house, I tell ya; it was a mansion! It was on tha backside of tha old distillery fer that Old McBrayer whiskey. Was a bit run down but not by much. Jes needed a lil TLC an a man’s hand in thangs.

Jessie dun jumped outa that Ford an made a beeline ta tha door. He knocked on tha door with a big ole door knocker an tugged a mite on tha pull rope for tha door chime. After a bit a gal answered tha door. She was as purty as a July goldenrod an Walter’s an Howard’s eyeballs like ta have popped plum outa thar sockets an rolled back like winder shades. She asked Jessie if she could help em an Jessie stated thar bizness about visitin sum kin of thars.

She said, “I declare, Aunt Judith an I didn’t know of any of our relations that were still living, would y'all like ta cum in an speak ta her”? Well, it shor didn’t take long fer an answer from them boys, I tell ya. All of em piped up at once an tole her thay’d be right proud an appreciative ta speak ta her Aunt Judith.

That gal invited em all inta tha parlor an asked em wait till she announced them ta her Aunt, who was readin in tha Library. She said she was jes finishin up her daily Bible study an would be right back. Jes a few minutes later tha gal cum back an fetched tha boys an interduced her Aunt an asked ifn each of tha boys would interduce tharselfs ta her. Well, thar was Jessie McBrayer, Buster (Russell, Jr.) Tipton, Walter Ollinger an Howard Holmes. Now this was a real life Southern Lady, I tell ya. Made tha boys pull at thar collar an be real respectful ta this lady. Thar maws was real fine wimmin but jes didn’t have tha schoolin at a high falootin college like this lady did. That gal was jes like her too. Cum ta find out her name was Elizabeth Jane Barrett. But now git this, Aunt Judith was Judith Ann Tipton McBrayer!!!! Now don’t that jes beat all. Tha boys liked ta have dropped thar eye teeth over that un. Now Aunt Judith had a sister named Julie an her daughter, Mary, married up with a Barrett boy an cum ta have Elizabeth Jane, thar onlyest child. Thay dun passed while on trip ta tha Orient; sum kinda bug from a mussel shell in tha water dun took em.

Aunt Judith asked tha boys ifn thay wanted a bite ta eat an ya know them boys could eat a horse at any time day or nite. Miss Elizabeth went on out an tole sum kitchen help ta fix up sum eats fer tha boys. Those wimmin folks that were helpin them out had been with thar family fer years an years an was like family themselves. Anyhow, thar was a meal fittin fer a king! Them boys eat til thay bout popped. When tha meal was dun, Aunt Judith had em all ta retire ta tha parlor an offered up sum after dinner drinks. Lo an behold! It was Old McBrayer whiskey! Ya knowed it ben long gone since tha distillery been shut down fer all them years, but shor nuf thar it was. Finest sippin whiskey ta ever pass them boys lips, that’s fer shor.

Well, Aunt Judith started recollectin on how thay was kin an was all a wonder bout Jessie an Buster. She didn’t know thay was any of her kin left ceptin Miss Elizabeth. Howard an Walter was under foot with that gal every second thay was there at tha house. Always a askin ifn thay could help or carry sumthin or fix sumthin. Every time she’d smile thay’d jes bout swoon. Even got ta tusslin a bit when she needed firewood chopped an carried ta tha stove in tha kitchen. Jes tryin ta outdo tha other un, tryin ta impress Miss Elizabeth fer her favor. Well, here’s how it was since Aunt Judith was a Tipton an a McBrayer. Her maw was a Tipton fer shor an she married up with a McBrayer. Thay cum from tha Stamper side. Judith dun had a Great Uncle Archie, but he was posed ta have ben kilt on a riverboat gamblin but it seems that jes ain’t so. He probably got shot up an was nursed by that Southern gal down at New Orleans till he was better. Thay was sum purty rough fellers in that day an Archie didn’t want no harm ta cum ta his family so he jes stayed down thar fer a spell an healed up. Married up with that Cajun, French gal he put so much stock in an an had three younguns. Thay moved up ta Alaska when he was huntin gold an back down Missouri way fer land an finally ended up in Mississippi jes outside of Memphis in tha cotton trade. That an freight made tha boy a fortune.

His two sons an a girl went on ta marry up an thay settled in Arkansas an Alabama. Jessie McBrayer had a boy Jessie an he had our Jessie Derrell. Tha girl, Sarah, married up with Russell, Buster’s paw. Tha other boy James died in tha big war over in France. Now that thay figured out how it all cum about thay was a cryin an huggin an was happy as a pig in sunshine ta have found each other. Tha boys stayed on fer a fortnite an helped round tha place an made all manner of repairs. One day Aunt Judith called Jessie an Buster inta tha library fer a chat. Miss Elizabeth was thar too. She tole em she wanted ta discuss sumthin with em. She said she still made Old McBrayer whiskey from the original recipe an the old distillery was still in workin order. She owned all tha rights an tha land round it an tha house an all tha belongings too. She has sum cash, but not so much, an sum stock certificates her daddy left her. Seems like he knowed a feller that invented thangs an he helped a bit ta git it all started an tha feller give him 20% of tha stock. That company was now called SAB, South African Breweries; it cum outa Castle Breweries.

Aunt Judith said as she was gittin on up in years; she wanted Elizabeth Jane, Jessie an Buster ta have it all.

She then took em all out ta tha distillery an opened up tha doors ta reveal tha equipment an kettles an bottling machines. Thay was dusty an unused but she continued on ta a secret panel that led ta a limestone cave under tha foundation. Thar was barrels of Old McBrayer jes fer tha askin! What a sight ta see! Aunt Judith had all of em sit down an she poured em all a jigger full an toasted her family that was now altogether. Aunt Judith then begun ta tell em how it was ta be. Tole Jessie ta look inta them stock certificates an see what thay was worth an ta check on what ta do with investin or cashin in tha proceeds but not ta sell more than 40% of em. Buster was ta look inta crankin tha distillery up an Elizabeth Jane was ta look after tha business side an tha homeplace. Thay all agreed ta take care of each other an tha wimmin that had ben with tha family fer so many years an would always keep thangs tha way was unlessen thay all agreed ta do different. Well Jessie an Buster was poppin buttons right bout then. Thay asked bout thar folks back home an she said thay could do as thay pleased with thar part but it was fer tha younguns of tha bunch ta carry on tha names of McBrayer an Tipton an make both familes proud. Aunt Judith said she would consider it an honor if Jessie’s maw an his sisters could cum fer a visit with Buster’s grandpa Gus an grandma. All of Buster’s people had all passed an his maw’s folks was all that was left. Now tha boys had sense nuff ta know thay couldn’t do all this by tharself so thay would jes leave well nuf alone till all was in place like it ort ta be. Thay’d take jes nuf ta set thangs right with tha Old McBrayer distillery an care fer body an soul. Elizabeth Jane said she would stay fer a spell with Aunt Judith but then she wanted ta go back ta Europe ta finish up sum studies she had ben takin. She knowed this feller over thar that was a awful fine feller an figured on seein whar that was a goin. That like ta have broke Walter an Howard’s hearts, I tell ya, when Jessie tole em that.

Them three dun made up a pact ta care fer Aunt Judith till she passed an would be a comin round so much that ya couldn’t throw tha dish water out tha back door with out hittin them in tha haid.

Buster got ta wonderin how Aunt Judith’s paw even met up with that feller that give him tha stock. His name as she remembered was Frederick Mead an was jes stopping over on his way back home ta England ta raise sum money fer a new brewery.

Well, thay got ta talkin an her paw Samuel give ole Fred $500 in gold pieces ta get er started. Heck of a lot of money back then an in gold too. Turned out ta be a good investment as thay seed it.

Buster an Jessie dun got Walter an Howard an tole em bout all tha doins goin on. Thay said thay wanted em ta be in on it with em an thay all had a future bright an pure ifn thay jes played thar cards right. Well, tha boys was happy as a pig in slop an with a few bottles of Aunt Judith’s Old McBrayer whiskey, thay was in hog heaven. After Sunday Meetin at tha First Christian Church on tha place, thay all ate a fine meal an tole tha ladies thay was off in tha morning. Aunt Judith an Elizabeth Jane teared up sum but tha boys all said thay’d cum back thru after thar trip an stay a spell while Elizabeth Jane went back ta Europe fer a visit.

Well, you’d think that was it fer surprises, but it shor wadn't! Howard an Walter got em one! Howard was a chasin a bull snake down at tha distillery when it run under a pile of rocks. Howard couldn’t git ta it so he went on inside of tha building an was looking fer a pry bar or sumthin ta move them rocks. He dun found this old horseshoe on tha wall a holdin a tater hoe. When he went ta git that tater hoe; he pulled down on that thar horseshoe an danged if it didn’t turn halfways an a trap door popped open. In tha meantime Walter was off ridin a gray he found out in tha back pasture. He was a durn good horse whisperer an he dun took sum sugar cubes from tha house an a apple offa a tree in tha yard an walked up ta that horse real quite like an had him eatin outa his hand in no time. No sooner than he begun ta talking ta tha horse, he up an jumped astraddle of him an was a ridin bareback a racin tha wind. He was ridin down by tha crick when he heared tha awfulest commotion. He looked up an guess what he dun seed? Howard cum a flyin thru tha air an landin in tha water right thar at that horses feet. That gray reared up an throwed Walter right smack dab in tha middle of tha crick beside Howard. Ole Howard cum up a spitin an a spewin but tha water weren’t that deep; only bout 5 foot or so. When that trap door popped open, ole Howard dropped down a pipe that ended up at tha crick. It was an old escape tunnel ta tha outside ifn injuns or scoundrels cum bout with thar skullduggery. Wet an grinin from ear ta ear, them two boys was splitin thar sides a laughin. Wetter than frog hair thay was, an jes plain amazed at all tha doins thay was a seein on this trip. Them two up an hiked on back ta tha house an dried off an tole thar story ta everbody. Aunt Judith didn’t know nuthin bout that trap door but got a laugh out of Howard an Walter that had her dabbin her eyes with her hanky.

Next morning tha boys said thar goodbyes an after all tha hugs thay headed on out agin. Thay kinda went northeast an now thay was gonna head back towards tha west, northwest that is.

WEST, er, NORTH

That ole Ford of Buster’s had mind a of its own cause the direction thay was ta be goin seemed ta git turned round every which a way. Started West an ended up goin East; headed North an went Northeast, but now thay was a finally a goin straight North. Gonna see sum snow fer shor. Them boys never did see snow that was piled high, ya know. Thay drove a fer piece fer tha next couple o’days an finally cum ta a stopping point at tha Canadian border an then turned back towards tha west. Thay took turns a drivin but Walter drove too slow so Buster took over tha drivin chores agin an had ta open er a bit. Now Jessie had ta stop an gom round a bit at every lil thang an hole in tha wall like Davey Crockett’s tavern an all them lil towns that sported sum kinda museum. The boys joined up in parades an rubber duck races on tha river an a pie eatin contest at a county fair. Walter had ta show his hand at ridin an ropin at a lil rodeo sumbody put on outside a place in Wyoming. Howard dun brung his motorsicle with him an raced at tha Pike’s Peak mountain track. Cum in second thar too. Well, after making thar way an havin a ball doin it, thay cum tha back way inta tha border of Idaho . That ole Ford was a good un an had 4 wheel drive an not nary a bald tire. Jessie an Howard was a gawkin at sumthin or tha other when thay found a back road near tha border. Reckon it was lessen 20 mile from Canada by that time. Well, those two boys jes had ta take that trail an so Buster turned up tha trail thar an made his way as fer as he could. So fer in fact, he couldn’t turn round. Well, tha boys got out an started exploring a bit fore dark. As I said, thay had plenty of vittles an campin gear with em plus a shotgun an thar rifles. Right at dusk, danged if Howard didn’t go a chasin sum critter he said he ain’t never seed before an cum ta a rock wall in tha side of tha mountain thar. Whatever that critter was, he dun run right on inta that mountain. Howard dun hollered fer tha other boys ta cum see ifn thay could help him figure out how that critter dun that. Well, thay got ta lookin an it cum on ta dark when Walter an Jessie found a crack in tha face of tha mountain that was covered up by sum bushes. All of em got ta pullin back that brush an found it ta be movable like. A door of sum kind that led inta tha mountain itself. Even though thar was a full moon an bright starlight on a clear night, thay decided ta wait fer morning ta do more investigatin. Thay cooked up sum beans an taters with slab bacon an bologna on tha side fer supper an made up thar bed in a big tent thay brung with em.

Mornin cum early so thay turned in fer tha nite. Well, it jes wouldn’t do fer Howard not ta know what was in that hole in tha mountain. So, he took up his kerosene lantern an went on inta tha hole ta take a peek. Hisn curiosity jes got tha better of him. After a bit ole Howard ain’t cum back ta bed an Buster had ta find tha bushes fer sum relief an thar was no Howard ta be found. He woke up Walter an Jessie an went ta askin ifn thay knowed whar he dun went. Course, thay said no an all of em put on thar boots an britches an went ta searchin fer Howard. Well, right off, thay figured, knowin him as thay did, ta look at that hole in tha mountain. Shor nuff, tha bushes was pulled back an thar inside a few feet was Howard’s lantern. Well, thay knowed this couldn’t be good, so thay went on back ta camp an geared up with thar lights an shotgun an rifles. Walter dun brought his snake pistol an Buster had his automatic. Jessie didn’t have no pistol but Buster tole him not ta worry cause he got him one from ole Charlie Snider fore leavin on tha trip. Said ya never knowed when ya might need one.

'Tweren’t no hoglaig but one of them lil automatics tha Polocks used fer tha Po-Leece over thar in thar country. Charlie says he cum by it honest an let Buster have it fer a steal. Charlie knowed all tha boys an would do ta ride tha river with. They took on off ta find Howard. Goin inta tha hole was a bit tight but it opened up right smart bout 30 yards in. Ya could tell critters had been in an out an beddin up in thar too. Musta been right interestin ta Howard.

Anyhow, thay was worried bout Howard since hisn lantern was left right inside that hole an thar weren’t no sign of hide nor hair of him neither. Thay kept a walkin further an further inta tha mountain an finally cum ta a crevice with a wood swangin bridge across it. Jessie went on over first an said it was safe ta cum on over. Walter went next an then Buster an thar were no mishaps. After scrunchin up a bit fer Walter an Buster, thangs got a bit testy. Tighter than dick’s hatband in thar, I tell ya. It got so ya couldn’t even turn round! Jessie made it on thru a fat man’s squeeze then Walter sucked in an I guess found hisself nother coat of grease cause he got on thru too. Skunt up a few places but he made it. But Buster was in a pickle! ‘Tween tha four of them boys, Buster an Walter couldn’t take no closed up places cause thay’d cum outa thar like a dose o’salts thru a mad widder woman, one way or nother. Well, Buster was a purty tuff cuss but gittin stuck ‘tween them rocks weren’t no laughin matter. He went ta bellerin like a bull an a squealin like a hog stuck under a gate. Hollered ta Walter an Jessie ta git him a loose from thar. Thar jes wadn't nary a thang thay could do seein how’s thay couldn’t go back with Buster blockin tha way. Walter an Jessie said thay’d go on up ahead an scout out tha place but Buster wouldn’t have nun of it. Tole em that one of em had ta stay with him. Bein as how Jessie was tha skinniest; he said he’d go ahead an Walter could stay with Buster. Now Buster tole Walter he was plum skeered of being stuck, an Walter said he shor nuff was a feelin fer him an he’d stay with em till hell froze over. Jessie left on out an went outa sight but Walter had both his an Buster’s lanterns so thay had light. He give Buster a drink out his canteen cause Buster was a bit frightful. Woulda give him sum of that Old McBrayer but thay left it at tha campsite. In tha meantime Howard dun got hisself hogtied. Jessie cum up on him an said what in tha world is a goin on heah? Well, fore ya knowed it, Jessie got lassoed too. Then this “spook” cum outa nowhar; jes a bellerin an whoopin an prancing bout with all manner a gyrations. Then bout tha time “the lights went out in Georgia ” as thay say. Tha candle went out an a toesack was put over Jessie’s haid like Howard’s. After a bit thar was sum lite an thar laid Walter an Buster; trussed up like Jessie an Howard. Now how that cum ta be, Jessie didn’t have a clue; wadn't long fore thay found out though. This demon cum back a rantin an a ravin an purt near said fer gospel that he’d have em fer breakfast. Boys thought thay was inta sum a them cannibals or sumthin. What a fix! Well, like I tole ya, Walter could git a rock ta talk ta him. Wadn't long that that demon dun took them toesacks offa thar haids an took that outfit an mask off. Cum ta find out he was called by tha locals tha Monster of Talus Rock. Ain’t nobody ever found his lair before an it was a certin quizzical ta him how thay did. Walter tole him who thay all was an how thay cum ta be thar an how Howard had a way with critters an all. Well, that feller tested Howard’s mettle right then an thar. He untied ole Howard an tole him ta stand stock still. Monster man whistled an a wolf run in. He tole Howard ta make his acquaintance; said that wolf ain’t never cottoned ta no man cept him. Well, ole Howard got down on all fours an began ta sniffin.

That wolf bared his teeth an his hackles went up. Howard jes rolled over like an put his arms an laigs straight up in tha air. That ole wolf cum over ta him an sniffed an jumped atop of Howard an let out a howl. Bout that time ole Howard nuzzled that wolf an licked him.

Began ta pet him an talk soft like ta him too. Wadn't long fore he got up an that wolf laid down right beside him. Well, that Monster man tole Howard if that don’t beat all, he’d seed that wolf tear many a critter an a man or two ta bits an never think nuthin bout it.

Monster man tole them he was Jim Rodgers by way Nova Scotia an cum ta be here prospectin fer gold. Didn’t have no people ta speak of an what he was telling no other man knowed. Ya jes gotta understand that them four boys was plum believeable an honest ta tha core. No lyin ta them four.

I reckon ole Jim took stock of tha boys an couldn’t do nuthin else lessen he left em fer daid. One question thay had was how in the dickens did he git Buster outa that tight spot he was in. He said he first got Walter gagged an trussed up when he went round the bend ta see ta nature. Then he jumped up on Buster an he dun put a toesack over his haid. Said he was a bigun an had a devil of a time gittin him a loose. He had a block an tackle in the roof thar an heated up a bucket of bear grease an poured it all over Buster. Then he lifted him outa thar. Said thar was a hidden tunnel whar ya wouldn’t get stuck up on tha right. Buster did smell ta high heaven an we kept our distance till thay got him cleaned up.

Finally all of em settled in an all of em got cleaned up; then thay began ta visitin with Jim. Jim had a right nice place inside that mountain. Plenty of water an sunlite cummin thru a natural vent in tha roof. Lil lake down in tha bottom of tha cave. Guess it was more like a underground river feedin it with tha overflow continuing on down thru tha mountain. He was as snug as a bug in a rug. Jim said it never got too cold or too hot in thar an thar was plenty of game an fish round bout. He had plenty of stores put up fer quite a spell. Thay tole Jim of whar thay was from an all bout thar folks an people an our trip. He said he shor nuf would like a taste of that Old McBrayer an would trade fer it. Buster tole him his money was no good an if he would show him tha way out he would git him sum or thay could all go. Jim whistled ta tha wolf an he didn’t cum. Tole Howard he dun plum spoiled that wolf. Thay all left an went on back ta camp. Thay set bout cookin up a fine meal of vittles an telling of thar wanderin. Jim said he struck it rich in that mountain an he dun had a partner that tried ta steal all tha gold thay mined. He took off one nite with more than he could carry. He was greedy ta tha bone. Jim sicced tha wolf on him an when he cum ta his partner that old wolf had him treed; cornered really. His partner tried ta jump across a chasm with tha gold an didn’t make it. Fell ta his death a 1000 foot down. After that, all manner of folks cum looking fer gold but Jim got tha idée ta run em off, which he did as tha Monster man. One or two others got kilt searchin fer that gold an tha legend of Talus Rock was born. After vistin till late, thay all turned in an got sum well deserved sleep. Tha next day Jim showed tha boys all tha wonders of tha mountains.

Tha most majestic vistas that tha Good Lord ever created; beautiful deep, ice cold lakes; game an fish everywhar, an a sky so blue it reached ta Heaven; forests emerald green in spring an a patchwork of colors in fall, but tha nights were tha most spectacular. Tha Northern Lights were truly a magnificent sight ta behold.

Jim showed tha boys his strike; it was a rainbow of gold inside that mountain. Said if he ever kicked tha bucket he wanted tha boys ta have it but would leave instructions on what ta do with a portion of it.

Howard had ta take care of tha wolf though an didn’t want him ta pine hisself ta death an he wanted his place here kept a secret. He knew well what greed would do ta a feller. That afternoon tha boys got tha Ford turned around after a bit of finaglin an packed up ta leave. Jim cum down an was sayin his goodbyes when Jessie an Buster brung out a couple jugs of Old McBrayer. Thay give em ta Jim an Jim teared up right thar. He said he’d wished he had sons like them boys an he’d miss em. He said he hoped thay cum back by soon. Buster said iffn he heared his peacock call at tha bottom of tha mountain he’d know it was them. Jim said he dearly appreciated these here four jugs of Old McBrayer. Back in his day when thay was still round; it was his fav-o-rite likker. Thay all looked at each other an Walter an Howard was jes a grinnin. Thay dun slipped ole Jim a bottle apiece tharselves. Thay all was a laughin when thay decided ta stay till morning an git a early start. Jim said him an tha wolf would be back down in tha mornin ta see them off.

Thay all hit tha hay feelin purty durn good with thar Maker an tha world. Next morning thay woke up with a noise like a bull in a china closet. When thay opened up that tent flap, thar was a full growed moose a starin em in tha face. Thay liked ta fell out right then an thar. Ya jes don’t know how big a moose is till ya cum face ta face with one. Guess what! Howard was out thar pettin a lil un an weren’t nuthin goin on ceptin tha maw would look back on that baby an Howard ever now an agin. Thay spoke real soft like an tole Howard ta git a loose from that moose so’s thay could cum on out. Oh, he says, she ain’t a gonna bother ya nun. Thay tole him thay didn’t care, jes git her away from tha tent. Danged if Howard didn’t walk over ta tha maw an give her sumthin ta eat. Don’t rightly know what Howard dun give her but she nuzzled him an jes walked off with her baby.

After what packin thar was ta be dun an was put away, Jim cum up. Thay all shook hands an said so long an thay would be in touch. Jessie give Jim a paper with all thar home information on it in case he need ta git in touch with em or needed anything. The boys got em sum fresh water outa tha stream an got on in tha Ford. Jim waved goodbye an went back ta his mountain with tha wolf.

Buster put er on tha road an headed due west. Got outa Denver an stopped fer a bit of a rest an ta fillup with gas. When thay got in tha back ta move sum thangs round, Walter dun found that each of thar backpacks was a mite heavy ta move. He hollered ta tha boys an asked em was thay packin rocks or sumthin. Thay said heck no, an cum back thar an opened each of thar packs. Thar eyes got bigger than saucers; thay each had a doeskin pouch of gold nuggets in thar pack. Jim dun cum down early an put them sacks o gold in each one of thar packs.

Thay bet he got a chuckle from Howard pettin an feedin that moose. Tha boys said thay’d made a fren fer life an thay made up a pact ta git back soon an see Jim as soon as thay could. Seems like this trip is tha makins fer nuther un.

Due west it is. Adventure an memories a cummin. Westward Ho!

WEST, FINALLY

Thay was well on thar way when Walter tole em all not ta git in too fer inta tha Old McBrayer jug cause he knowed what could happen ta a bunch of fellers. He said he was out with a bunch of tha Brittain boys, thar was bout 20 of em an all kin but most was brothers, an tha Po-Leece dun pulled em over. Thay was down in Turkey, Texas down by Greenbelt Lake whar tha annual motorsicle rally was held every year. Well now, when tha officer pulled em over, one of tha Brittain boys pulled on tha officer’s handcuffs an kinda like made him stumble like gittin out of his car. Thought it was real funny! Now he was fit ta be tied an hauled all em all inta jail.

Since thay made a right smart amount of money with arrestin tha motorsicle riders in town every year; tha jail weren’t big enough ta hold all tha boys thay arrested. So, thay used tha gymnasium at tha schoolhouse fer a temporary jailhouse. Used plastic cuffs an sat em down ever which a place. Walter dun found out ifn ya pled guilty, tha Judge would let ya go ifn ya emptied all yore pockets an yore billfold an whatever amount ya had was yore fine.

Well. Ole Mike Brittain was drunker than skunk an Cooter Brown ta boot, got afore tha judge an said he was not guilty. Walter an tha boys seed thay was takin Mike off ta tha big house an hollered fer him ta plead guilty. Mike went ta hollerin, “Guilty, Guilty as sin Judge, Guilty!” Tha officer turned Mike round ta tha Judge an Mike give tha Judge all he had on him. Now Stanley was jes bout 3 sheets ta tha wind an thay dun give him tha breath test. He did not pass, I tell ya! This was gonna be tha ruination of Stanley cause he was schoolin ta be a pharmacist. Thar was a Texas State Trooper thar from thar hometown of Groom that knowed all tha boys an he tole tha Judge he need ta test Stanley agin as thar was sumthin that went wrong tha first time. Well, he tested Stanley an he cum back in an tole tha Judge he was OK an thay let him go too. Stanley shor nuf owes that Trooper fer lettin him off an lettin him git ta makin a life as a Pharmacist cause he couldn’t a got inta Pharmacy school with a drinkin fine on his record.

Anyhow, Walter said when it cum ta him emptyin his pockets an billfold; he only had $.58 cents on his person. Cheapest fine he ever got he said. I declare that boy could wiggle his way outa anythin. Tole ya he had sweet talking ways. Jes ask lil Lynette next time ya see her.

Thay tole him thay didn’t have no problem with a snort or two but nun of em were inta likker real heavy an thay’d be a sightful careful on tha trip.

Map readin weren’t no callin fer nun of tha boys but if any one em wanted ta stop an take a look see, thay could and thay did. Most times it was Jessie that wanted ta stop an look at sumthin though an Walter would chime right in. Thay was all havin fun an enjoyin thar trip so a stop heah an thar wadn't nuthin ta any of em. So when Jessie an Walter piped up an wanted ta go up ta that snow mountain whar thay was a skiin; wouldn’t do not ta go thar unlessen thay’d had a hissy fit. When thay got ta tha place whar ya git ta go up tha mountain, Buster tole em he was just gonna sit fer a spell an enjoy tha scenery.

Ta tell tha truth he dun seed whar an how thay’d have ta git ta tha top of that thar mountain an he wadn't gonna have no part in it. He didn’t cotton ta heights neither. Well, Howard dun found whar ta ride one of them snowmobiles an tole that feller he wanted tha fastest one he had.

Walter an Jessie thought it would be sumthin ta try too so thay said thay wanted ta rent one but didn’t have ta be no fast un.

Those boys jes didn’t know what thay dun let tharselfs in fer, I tell ya! Buster seed it all a cummin. Not nun of him, he said ta hisself.

Tha boys had ta ride this confounded contraption ta tha top of tha mountain tha feller rentin said. Now, lil Jessie was plum skittish bout heights too but since he was a ridin with Walter as big as he is, he figured it’d be OK. Course Howard couldn’t wait an took on off on his own ta tha top. This contraption ta sit on cum up behind Walter an Jessie an Walter jes plunked ole Jessie in tha seat with him a hangin on fer dear life. Howard was already at tha top watchin all tha goins on an wonderin what all tha fuss was all bout. He dun rode that mountain an places so steep it dubbled back on ya. Howard let that machine fly, don’t ya know. Jes as ya thought he’d crash an burn an have that thang cum back on him; he’d fling hisself an that machine over tha lip of that mountain just a kickin up snow. Howard could really ride, I tell ya. It was a thang of pure beauty ta see how Howard could handle a machine; any kind of machine; be it motorsicle or 4 wheeler or snowmobile or jet ski or any kinda heavy equipment. He’d take off a hill straight down a slidin with a excavator an never think nuthin bout it. Been doin it since he was a pup. Well that thang cranked right on up tha mountain an when ole Jessie looked down he purt near fainted. Walter was a jes havin hisself a ball an didn’t pay no mind ta Jessie. After a hair rasin ride cordin ta Jessie; thay cum ta tha top. Walter dun lifted up this here bar that holds ya in an ole Jessie bout had a heart attack! He dun grabbed hisn chest an balled up on Walter lookin as green as a gourd. Now that contraption jes didn’t stop but kept on a goin so Walter had ta grab Jessie an pull him off an away from tha front of tha thang. Jessie was limp as a dishrag by then an couldn’t even catch his breath let alone talk. Howard run up ta see if he could help an tole them two it was bout tha funniest thang he dun seen in quite a spell. Walter jes looked at him an grinned but Jessie wadn't in no mood fer funnin. After Jessie got his bearins an all, tha feller that rented them tha machines cum up an says ta saddle up fer tha ride. He give the boys instructions on how ta operate tha machines but Howard dun figured it out.

All of em took on off an after a bit everybody got used ta ridin tha machines an was havin a high ole time. Tha snow was elbow deep ta a tall injun an it was colder than that thar well digger ya was always hearin bout. Talk bout a view! It was picture perfect an tha air was clean, crisp an right fresh. Thay all was doin fine til Jessie cum a little close ta tha edge once or twice but he hung in thar as long as he didn’t look down. Finally, thay cum towards tha end of tha ride an the feller guiding em said thay was gonna have ta ride that contraption back down tha mountain. Now, Jessie jes wadn't gonna have nun of that, that’s fer shor. Guess he got his wish cause the feller said the contraption dun broke an thay had ta ride tha machines back down. First time that ever happened that he knowed of. Thay all mounted back up an rode on down fer a piece an the feller tole em that was whar thay’d have ta go down.

Well, Jessie dun took one look an says no way am I gonna go down that hill an nobody kin make me! Tha guide feller says ta Jessie ta hop on tha back of hisn an he’d take him on down. Walter an Jessie was a sittin side by side lookin down that hill an knowed it was gonna be one heck of a thrillin ride ifn thay wadn't kilt or hurt bad. Jessie up an says he was s gonna do it an the feller says ta foller his tracks.

That jump off right from tha start shor nuff took yore breath away thay tole later but thar wadn't no stopping once you lit out fer tha bottom. Jessie’s machine was a slidin an twistin an turning an he said once he figured out how ta track that thang it weren’t too bad. Well, all of em got back safe an sound an Buster had him a ring side seat an saw it all. Cum ta find out that hill was called a Black Diamond Hill for tha most experienced skiers. Ain’t no snowmobile posed ta go down it atall. When thay all got off an put up thar gear that guide feller tole Jessie that was one fine piece of ridin he dun an he ain’t never seen no better; experienced rider or not. Ole Jessie was as proud as punch an a grin as wide as tha Grand Canyon was spread cross his face. Thay had his picture took ta show all tha folks back home cause thay wouldn’t believe it nun. Buster took all of em inta tha restaurant thar an bought em sum good grub ta eat an really good hot chocolate. After that, it was gittin on ta dark so tha boys loaded up an found tha town, Sandpoint, an looked fer a place ta bed down fer tha nite.

Thay was a drivin round an seed a sign fer a boarding house an as tired as thay was decided ta spend a lil more hard cash fer a good bed an breakfast vittles. When thay got ta tha lane at Pedersen’s Boarding House, thay parked tha Ford close by as tha boys were a mite stove up after all that ridin an cummin down that hell bent fer leather hill. Buster knocked up on tha door an it was answered by a real purty lady. She had tha biggest an warmest smile ya ever did see an invited tha boys on in. Tole em she had plenty of room an give em all thar own bedsteads fer tha nite. Jessie got hisself a place off ta tha side; apartment like affair. Walter an Howard got tha bottom floor that was as big as a house of its own. Buster got a master room at ground level seein as he was tha biggest an needed a sturdy bed frame ta hold him up. Weren’t no corn husks in them mattresses nor ropes fer springs neither. Felt like ya was on a cloud in them feather beds. Tha boys slept in tha next morning an breakfast was a waitin fer em when thay got up. Tha lady of tha house was Miz Pedersen an tole em ta call her Heather but tha boys couldn’t ritely do that as she was a married up woman an mother of three younguns. Her husband was a vet an Howard stuck like glue ta him an Mr. Pedersen took a shine ta Howard right quick too. Thar was another woman stayin thar an she was quite fetchin herself an sidled up ta Jessie an batted those big ole brown eyes at him tha whole time thay was thar. Lots ta be said fer an older woman thay tole Jessie but he said ta not be funnin him nun bout it. But she an Mae West could a been sisters tha way thay was built. Anyhow, Walter got on out ta tha stables an checked out tha horses an other stock an visited with Mr. Pedersen too. Buster sat a good spell an talked ta Miz Pedersen bout ever which a thang. Tole him all bout tha town an folks an all an what was happenin thar. That lady shor was a beautiful woman but it was her personality that really made her beauty great inside an out. Figured Mr. Pedersen was a lucky man at that. She was American all right but Indian too. Not tha kind was here in the USA but tha furin kind from India . Tole Buster a lots bout that place too. Thar youngus was smart as a whip an that little gal of thar’s was the spittin image of her maw with helping folks in furin lands an folks round thar too. Thay had a rite nice place an tha food was real good too. Buster ate everythin she put in front of him an sopped up his gray with homemade biscuits an got fuller than a tick. Buster had him a shock or two with all manner of critters in tha house. While Buster was a fixin ta eat a bite this dang goat jumped up on a chair beside him; butted him a lil an was ready ta be fed. Dangest thang he ever saw. That goat was jes like a member of tha family. Whenever that goat got cold; he’d hunker up close ta tha fire ta git warm. Trouble was he’d catch his hide afire when he got too close an never even knowed it. Ya had ta watch out fer his fur a burnin an put him out. Dumber an two rocks that goat was but kind likeable cute too.

Ya know how hair smells when it is burnt; well that goat smelled that way too. Ya could see him a wanderin round tha place smoking. Ifn ya didn’t douse that thang; I guess you’d had barbeque goat fer supper! Guess it was ta be expected ta find all them critters round bout since Mr. Pedersen was a vet. Tha boys stayed over fer a couple of days an all of em at tha house went out ta this here restaurant that was posed ta be one of tha best. Well it shor nuf was an Jessie took a likin ta thar dressin fer tha salad an he wanted ta buy tha place cause thay wouldn't give him tha recipe fer it. He swore he’d be back if fer nuthin else but tha dressin. Course thay teased him bout tha older woman stayin at tha house an asked him ifn he made up ta seein her agin. Thay knowed Jessie's pheromones dun got ta her tha way she was a acctin round Jessie. He jes tole em thay was plum adled while thay jes laughed tharselfs silly.

Well cum morning thay decided ta take off agin but before thay did, thay got interduced ta a feller named John that knowed Mr. Pedersen fer years back in Pennsylvania whar he cum from. Now Walter found this feller quite amazing an real interestin. John tole em that he could project hisself ta different places an whatnot an could find lost thangs too. Said he dun got ta pro-ject hisself an ride in a spaceship with tha spacemen. Him an tha Injuns was real friendly an he said thay shared many a secret with him. Also said tha govmint liked what he could do too. He was writ up in tha newspaper an was on tha TV an radio a few times. Funny thang was, he was real believable whar sich tall tales would normally a put him in tha looney bin. Now ole Walter listened ta ever word that man said. Buster liked John too an John tole him a bunch of home remedies ta cure all kinds of ailments. Nowadays thay say organic cause thar ain’t no chemicals on tha food but tha boys never knowed nuthin else ceptin manure fer fertilize.

John was quite tha feller, I’d say an ta make it even better ta believe his yarns, Mr. Pedersen vouchsafed fer John. As thar folks taught em; never judge a book by it’s cover.

Thay left thar with sum more new frens an thay liked that place real well. Too bad thay couldn’t live all tha places thay ben. John tole em bout a feller ta meet up with on tha way back south. Said he was thought ta be a mad scientist but thay would find him real interestin. Walter dun put his foot down an said thay was a gonna stop an see him thar at his place fer shor. Reckon thay didn’t have nary a choice then. Course all tha boys was up fer anythin an thay headed on out ta find that feller called George.

Buster drove up an down the road so many times he bout needed a new set of tires. Tha directions ta find George was a mite sketchy ta say tha least. Thay had cum ta whar tha road stopped; all tha way ta tha Canadian Border. Finally, with a lil scoutin an backtrackin, thay found tha place.

It had all manner of junk in tha yard including wrecked cars, shippin containers, outhouses, ramshackle old out buildings, a bulldozer an other various an sundry equipment. Jes a mess an tha boys knowed thar folks wouldn’t allowed nun of that back home. Right purty country up thar an ta spoil tha view an take no pride in your land an belongins didn’t sit well with tha boys. Anyhow, John said tha feller was different. Don’t Judge unlessen ya want ta be judged as tha Good Book says. Tha boys all piled outa tha Ford an knocked up on tha door. Lady answered an thay stated thar bizness an she tole em ta cum on in but take offen thar shoes.

Don’t ritely seen how it would have made much difference cause that log house was a mess too. George sent word that he’d be a bit an jes have a seat. Tha boys dun jes that an sittin on a stump would have been heck of a lot more comfortable than tha chairs those folks had not ta mention thar couch. Younguns cum a runnin an jabberin an thay was cute as button. As tha boys was sittin an waitin Howard dun seen a rat run by. One of tha lil boys said that he was his pet an fren. The hole in the wall let tha critter cum an go as he pleased an that lil feller got that rat, that was as wild as could be, ta doin tricks. Now thay had birds of all kinds in cages an thay didn’t know what else. Howard went lookin round with 2 of tha boys an was takin it all in. Quite entertainin, them younguns was, an smart as tack too. Tha lil girl says ta Walter; daddy is takin a bath; first un he’s had in a month. Well, when George cum in ya could tell he was shor freshly scrubbed. His wife tole tha boys all he did was his doctorin an laboratory work. He experimented on everything she said; even with them an she said he dun cured her of some sort of disease an nun of tha younguns ben sick a day in thar life. One of tha boys was over by an old rusted up refrigerator an Buster figured it was fer storage but did he ever git a surprise! Weren’t no electric power hooked up ta it, but it was a runnin an Buster said don’t that beat all. Thar was a lil round disk stuck on tha side tha boy said that made it work. Well, George cum in an sat right down with not so much as a how do ya do. Guess his wife tole him John sent us cause it was like thay knowed tha man all our lives. He talked without missin a beat fer bout 5 hours straight with not a word got in edgewise. He got ta testin tha boys blood an showin em all manner of gadgets an doodads that was truly mindbogglin. He got ta tellin bout them spaceships an spacemen like John did an says ta step on outside an let me show y’all sumthin. He dun pointed up in tha sky an says thar goes one an shor nuff sumthin went whizzing by. Said he’d hafta leave after while an go up on this rock an visit with em fer a spell. Showed tha boys sum symbols an while on thar trip thay ort ta stop by an visit sum Injuns he knowed an see tha same symbols thar too. Tole em ta see an Injun named Julian. Boy, this was a gittin a mite deep an real interestin ta Walter an Howard. Jessie an Buster was takin it all in with a grain of salt but thar was sum proof in tha puddin thay reckoned. After vistin fer quite a spell, George got up as tha boys was a leavin an up an gives em each a jar of sum powder. He said this stuff would cure up bout anything but use it wisely. Tole em how ta mix it an that it would clean em out real good at first then thay would start ta feelin jes fine. Thay boys thanked him fer his kindness an he invited em back when thay was back that way. This was a very smart feller an he didn’t pay much attention ta nuthin but his work an that is why thangs was left undone round his place. He treated folks in them parts with doctorin an givin em doodads he invented that couldn’t be got nowhar else an fer free. Tha boys recollected; don’t be judgin; thay was taught well. The boys lit on outa thar even though it was past midnight an put sum miles behind em.

After all thay dun an seed an heared, thay all agreed ta turn south fer home. Thay drove fer a piece an found em a lil motel that was clean an tha lady thar was real nice an her husband had jes passed so she hadn’t been open fer long. Thay hit tha sack with thar heads a spinnin with all thay dun ben exposed ta tha past few days, but this trip was once in a lifetime. Lights out, one of em was already snoring; mighta known, it was a tossup who was tha loudest, Buster or Walter.

SOUTH

Gosh a Friday! Ain’t that ocean sum kinda purty exclaimed Walter. He dun took offa his cowboy boots an was a swishin hisn feet in tha water. Howard had ta git a taste of it so’s he could say what it was like. Buster took ta swimming right off an had got hisself sum goggles ta see under tha water. Howard was bout ta have a fit ta see too so Buster let him have a looksee. Jessie was jes a walkin an pickin up shells an listenin ta tha sound of tha sea in a shell. Tha sky didn’t have nary a cloud in it an tha boys was relaxin an enjoyin life. Thay sat fer a spell in tha shade an begun ta rehashin what all thay dun an seen. That thar Space Needle was shor sumthin; them buffaler had Howard chompin at tha bits ta learnate more bout em an Walter wanted ta lasso one since that feller said it jes couldn’t be dun; Buster wanted ta jump in that Great Salt Lake an see how it felt ta float in it; Jessie had set his sights ta break tha bank in Reno cause he figured a way ta beat that thar Blackjack game.

Thay dun eat all kinda grub an dearly loved them lobsters; Italian food was tops too; tha dim sum that Chinaman served em was gooder than snuff an tha desserts in that French bakery would make your tongue water sumthin fierce.

Tha boys dun decided ta turn a bit back east by southeast an see them injuns George tole em bout. Tha injun Julian was on a reservation on tha Utah Colorado border an it wadn't that fer away. Thay figured thay’d camp out fer a day or two an then head straight south. Gittin thar was quite tha trick fer thar was mule deer by tha hundreds a linin tha roadway fer miles. Had ta be rite careful or ya would run inta one of em. Buster stopped at Gander Mountain an got sum deer screechers ta scare tha deer away when ya got past 30 miles per hour. Reckoned thay worked right well seein how’s thay didn’t hit nun.

Tha boys pulled inta that fancy resort town, Park City, UT, an got a bite ta eat an bought sum more souvenirs fer thar folks an frens. Walter talked ta sum local fellers an thay tole him thay was bout 2 ta 3 hours outa whar thay wanted ta go. Buster headed out on US 40 an kept a munchin hisn buffaler burger. His lip smackin had tha boys that was tryin ta nap thumpin his haid ta hush up. When thay cum inta a Heber City, Buster had ta have a piece of pie an stopped in at tha The Hub. He dun seed tha biggest durn cinnamon roll ever, an had ta have one of em too. No wonder he was bigger than a bear. Thay begun ta move on up in tha mountains an it got a sight cooler an snow was a flyin but not too bad. Thay made thar way ta a place out by LaPointe called Shirley’s. Stopped thar an got sum directions. Thay was only bout 12 ta 14 miles from whar that injun Julian was posed ta be at so thay stocked up on a few vittles an filled tha tank with gas.

Getting on toward evenin, tha boys found tha turn off an crossed Moseby Creek in 4 wheel drive. Got kinda sandy on up towards tha top of tha mountain; then at tha top it leveled out sum an thar was a nice campin spot with plenty of firewood. Tha boys pitched thar tent an got em a good fire ta burnin an fixed up a rite good supper. That old dutch oven wadn't ta be beat ceptin with Jessie’s garbage can cookin. Said ifn Howard or Walter would shoot em a grouse or turkey he’d cook it up.

Tha boys had had Jessie’s turkey before an knowed how good it was. Thay made up a peach cobbler in tha dutch oven after supper an had campfire coffee with it. After all of em settled in, Jessie got out his fiddle an Walter played his juice harp fer sum entertainment. Howard got out a jug of Old McBrayer fer a lil taste fore bed. Tha boys all had a water glass full with branch. Tha water was from a stream cummin outa tha mountain an it was sweet an ice cold.

Bout that time a couple of fellers cum by sayin thay seen thar campfire. Josh an Jeff were thar names an thay was local boys that had ben huntin over tha mountain. Thay had all kinda tales an Josh says ta tha boys that ole Bigfoot was round bout thar. Well, that got thar attention, I tell ya. Josh dun took sum pictures of tha thang an said he sit an watched Bigfoot fer bout 2 hours one time. Said he jes looked at him an settled in on his haunches an watched 2 eagles a playin on tha ground. Josh said he’d seen more’n one too. One was bout 15 foot tall an could run up an down them mountains lickety split. The other uns was bout 6 ta 8 foot tall. Jeff dun vouched fer tha story an said thar people settled this land an would tell ya tha same. Now, that ain’t tha half of it! Thay got ta tellin bout skinwalkers an spaceships an sich. Said thay’d show tha boys sum symbols on tha cliffs in tha morning if thay was still thar. Walter dun piped up an says ain’t nuthin gonna scare him off.

Buster told Jeff an Josh thay wanted ta find this here injun Julian ta git sum information from him. Jeff said he knowed whar ta locate him an would pass tha word in tha morning.

Buster said ta tell Julian that George from up north sent em.

After them boys left out, Buster, Walter, Howard an Jessie jes sit a spell an talked bout home an life an sich. Thay had it purty durn good an all of em felt blessed but all of em agreed sum of this stuff thay was a hearin jes didn’t sit rite with what thay ben taught an knowed all thar lives. Not that sum of it couldn’t be true but it shor couldn’t take tha place of God an Jesus.

Sittin thar by tha fire in tha moonlite, Buster says ta tha boys ya jes ain’t gonna believe this. Over on yonder hill, I seen a blue like light. Now when we cum in I knowed thar weren’t no houses nor roads up thar; jes trees. Boys, I ben a watchin that lite ever since we ben talkin an it ain’t moved not one whit. He said he thought it might be a hunter with a headlite but it shor ain’t that. What Buster said is that that lite looked like it was a starin him rite in tha middle of hisn eyeballs an plum thru hisn skull! Jes then it jes took off like greased lightnin. Didn’t jes go out; took off! Sumthin funny goin on heah he exclaimed. Well, tha rest of tha boys knowed he wadn't tellin no tale an Jessie said he seen it fer a minit but didn’t think nuthin of it. It got all tha boys ta thinking fer shor. After a while thay all turned in an it started ta snow. Tha fire burned down low an thay all had full bellies an warm sleepin bags; thay all slept like a log.

In tha nite, Walter said tha next morning, he heared sumthin traipsing bout outside tha tent but marked it off as tha wind or a cow or maybe a deer. Howard said tha tracks shor wadn't nun he ever seen before an thar was a smell like he never smelled before either. He did see sum mountain lion tracks though. Thar was a bigun; big as his hand an a smaller one too.

So, tha boys figured thay all had ben visited by sumthin or sumbody. Right strange ta say tha least. Thay ate a good hearty breakfast an thay went ta exploring while waitin fer word from Julian.

Jessie an Buster dun found sum injun beads an picked bout 500 of em outa tha sand ta take home. Walter dearly loved ta walk, so he lit out on a trail down tha mountain an cross tha crick. Howard went up tha mountain after seein sum type critter he ain’t never seen before. Rite bout 10 o’clock, Buster an Jessie seen Howard a hightailin it down that mountain. Thar was a big ole black bear a chasin him an he was a gainin. Buster run ta git his rifle but Howard hollered not ta shoot. Well Buster an Jessie didn’t know what till Howard stopped at that crick. Howard clum a lil outcroppin on a knoll an jes sit thar. That ole bear reared up an roared with Howard jes a laughin. Howard reached back an pulled out his hankerchief plum full of honeycomb. That thar bear eased on up ta Howard an licked it clean an then ambled on off. Howard cum on cross tha crick an tole Buster an Jessie what was goin on. Howard cum on ta a beehive an figured ta git sum fresh honey. Rite below him, unbeknownst ta Howard was that mountain lion with her cub. She got rite upset that Howard was thar an started ta git all over Howard. Well, bout that time this big ole black bear showed up lookin fer honey too. Tha cat an tha bear met head up. A snortin an snarlin, tha tangled a mite fore she took off. Howard dun had tha honeycomb an he dun enticed that bear ta cum on down tha mountain so’s thay could see him. Then he give him tha honey an tha bear went on back ta his den ta git ready ta hibernate accordin ta Howard. Tha boys asked him ifn he was skeered an he said heck no. Wadn't no need ta be skeered tha bear jes wanted a lil honey an knowed Howard weren’t no threat ta him.

Tha three of em decided ta fix a sandwich fer dinner an began ta git out tha makins when Walter showed up. He was all out breath like an said we had ta see what he dun found. Ice cave he said; a valley tha likes ya never seen; he was beginin ta catch his breath an we tole him ta sit on down an after dinner we’d hike back up thar with him. Walter said tha trail dubbled back an forked an he decided ta take tha one goin up. Said we better take our coats an gloves too. Walter had tha ole snake pistol strapped on his laig an was still a rarin ta go but tha boys got him ta settle down an eat dinner an tell them tha whole story, which he did.

After eatin, thay all took off ta tha ice cave. In it was tha purest an coldest water known ta man. It was on tha backside of an outcroppin at that top of another mountain an a feller would get plum breathless unlessen he took his time ta git thar. Ya had ta hang on an swang round ta git in tha entrance but it could be dun safely with each other helpin tha other. It was cold nuf ta hang meat fer shor; a natural refrigerator an freezer an plum beautiful too. When thay all got out an overlooked tha valley below; thay could see fer miles an miles. Thar was a rock cairn thar that tha injuns had ta a made an when ya looked thru it, ya could see like a telescope. It was tha most spectacular an magnificent sight of God’s natural wonders an perfection in beauty that a man ever witnessed. Walter was rite; he dun found a place like no other; it was plum spititual. Thay all bowed thar heads an said a prayer rite then an thar. Ain’t no spaceman dun that thay all said.

After bein all agog an all, tha boys headed back down ta camp. When thay got thar; injun Julian sat thar by tha fire injun style an jes meditatin.

Tha boys tried not ta disturb tha feller but he knowed thay was a comin before thay even saw him. He didn’t have no truck nor horse or any other means of transportation an was by hisself. He got up real slow like an shook all thar hands an asked if thay liked what thay saw since thay ben here, especially tha valley an tha ice cave. Thay asked him how in tha world he knowed that an he said jes like I know y’all have beads an brother bear protected you, Howard.

Now ain’t that sumthin thay said. Ain’t no way ya could know all that thay said an Julian jes laughed. Sit down an we will talk he said ta tha boys.

Howard put on tha coffee pot an got out sum snacks ta serve an settled in fer tha discussion. Julian cum because John pro-jected ta him an George sent word by thar frens. Jessie piped up an said ya don’t mean by them spacemen in them spaceships do ya? Julian said yes. Well, that set em all back on thar ears a bit but Walter was plum intrigued by all of this tale, I’m tellin ya. Have ta admit Buster an Jessie had thar mouths wide open an Howard was jes grinnin like he dun left this here earth. Julian began ta explain sum of tha many wonders an unanswered questions of tha universe. When he asked them ta foller him, thay all got up an went ta tha face of a cliff bout five hundred yards from camp. Julian showed them tha same symbols thay seen at George’s place an what John tole em. Then ta take ta cake, thar was pictures, very old pictures on tha rock that showed huntin scenes an six toed giants an spacemen an spaceships. Tha boys were completely hornswoggled by all that an knowed tha proof was a starin em rite in tha face. Those pictures were fer real! No fake stuff heah.

Thay all sat down under tha rock shelf that protected tha pictures an asked Julian questions. He tole em he would answer what he could but could not tell them sum thangs he wadn't allowed ta. He wouldn’t say no more bout that neither. He did say that thay was real special ta be allowed this knowledge an thay must hold it dear. He also said thar fren, Jim Rodgers knowed sum thangs bout all this an trusted tha boys with more’n his life. He was tole that he could trust em. That left tha boys scratchin thar haids, I tell ya. Bout that time Walter an Buster jumped right in tha middle of this conversation an tole Julian that thay believed in tha Lord an Jesus an thay didn’t put nuthin in front of Him! Julian was real quite like an says ta each one of tha boys; you were placed on this earth by God for tha opportunity ta serve him. You are bein given special knowledge ta assist you in His mission. You do not have ta accept it, but He wishes that you would. He knows each an everyone of you better than you know yoreselfs. You four young men have a special bond, alike but unlike, but united. Have you not seen many miracles, much proof of yore faith in your livin God? Have you not been afforded opportunities unimagined? Are you not blessed beyond measure. Follow Him an His messengers an you shall KNOW! Was it not asked of each of you if you wished ta know?

Well, tha boys was plum dumbfounded by all of this. Julian said when thay left from this place of tha paranornmal; there lives would be changed forever. Whether or not they accepted God’s mission or not.

Well, each one of tha boys said thay was a going ta do whatever God wanted em ta do but it was hard ta believe sum thangs. Julian said ta just be open ta the promptin of the heart by the Holy Spirit, no matter what form it came in. Now Jessie an Buster weren’t no naysayers but sum of this was a hard pill ta swaller. Julian tole em that too. He said that it was good ta examine the rite path but that it was also good ta follow on faith alone. That is why all four of em were chosen.

Julian asked if tha boys would like ta attend a special ceremony the Indians held sacred an only chosen ones could attend. Course tha boys said yes. Julian said follow me. Now tha boys ben all over this part of tha mountain whar thay was campin an never seen what thay saw now.

Thar was a huge 5 story lodge that went down in tha ground with drum beats cummin up from inside with sumone chantin. Julian told tha boys ta strip down ta there shorts an follow him. Sumhow he jes showed up in a loin cloth.

Thay follered him on in tha lodge an it was hotter than blazes in thar. Julian took all tha boys down ta tha first level an sat them in front. All of tha other Indians jes stared at em with mouths open. Julian got up in front of em all an said thay was tha ones tha Great Spirit chose fer this earth an thay was brothers of tha Clan. Now, Howard weren’t skeered of no snake but the rattlers thay let loose in thar were nun too frenly it semed. Tha boys started ta hightail it out of thar but Julian asked them if thay had faith. Buster said yeah but good sense too. Julain smiled at that but said ta jes sit still. Well them dang snakes was a crawlin everywhar an a rattlin up a storm. It was plum frightful an ta tell tha truth thay was ready ta bolt. Then, Walter spoke up an said, “Hold the Line Boys, Hole the Line”. Well, that dun it! Thay all settled down an watched tha ceremony. John dun cum in thar too. Now, how in tarnation did he git here; then George was a talkin; then Jim cum up ta tha boys a grinnin an touched each of thar haids. Them snakes was a crawlin all over everybody but thay didn’t feel them on thar skin. That was a funny thang fer shor.

Then all of a sudden tha drums stopped beatin an all was quite. Julian cum up ta each of tha boys an poured sumthin on thar haids an put an amulet round each of their necks.

Thar was sum funny words spoken an then nuthin an nobody was thar! Thar thay sat in thar shorts on tha ground with snow beginin ta fall an it was plum dark too. Julian, snakes, injuns, tha lodge, Jim, an John was all gone. Tha boys looked at each other an jes sat thar in wonder an amazement. Jessie says, what was that all bout? Walter spoke up then an said, " we ben chose boys; we gonna do what’s rite an honorable an help with all we got fer our fellow man. Ain’t we on one accord bout that? Why do ya think we cum inta all this wealth fer; jes ta feather our own nests? Y’all know ain’t a one of us like that".

Thay all got up an dressed an talked way inta tha nite. After breakfast tha next day, thay packed up an left on out. When thay cum off tha mountain, thay run inta Jeff as he was ridin his horse up towards tha boys. He stopped em an tole em he was awful sorry but Julian was nowhar ta be found an was sorry he didn’t git the message ta him that thay wanted ta see him. Well, tha boys' eyes got wider than pie plates an then thay started in laughin. Jeff didn’t know what ta make of all that an tha boys said thanks anyway but thay was headin on home.

Life began fer tha boys that day. As growed men now with families an responsibilities, thay still “Hold the Line”.

P.S.: Thay did stop ta take Jessie 4 wheelin in tha sand dunes in Oklahoma an ta see his Uncle Cecil in Weatherford.