VACATION
Buster was over by Newport last April when he seed a feller stuck in tha mud after a purticlar hard rain. Feller called hisself Sam Walton. Buster was as stout as a bull ifn ya’ll recall, so he gotta holt of that old pickup he was a drivin an lifted er up on hard ground. Ole Sam said he shor appreciated tha help cause he was a goin to rent a lil store front an was gonna sell all manner of whatnots; variety type store. Said he had him an idée how ta make it work so’s ta bring it all under one roof.
Well Jessie an Buster was down on tha river one evening last month an was a gatherin spilled beans, corn, maize an rice fer chicken feed. The grain would spill a mite or overflow offen tha barges an tha folks thar would let Buster pick up what he could fer hisself. Thay kind liked Buster jes cause he was a likable type feller always with a smile ya know. Tha other thang was once one of tha deck hands was on tha tender an got hisself caught tween that an a pilin. Buster pushed tha boat offen tha man an got him aloose without nary a scratch. Now ya say, how could that be. Well, as a wave from a passin tug rocked tha tender inta tha pilin, tha dolphin kept it offa his laig but pinned him thar. Tha tender got hung up like two cars bumper ta bumper get hung up with one a pushin tha other. Buster jes had tha stout ta git offen him is all. He used tha force of tha water an his strength ta move that boat. Anyhow, all those fellers down on tha river never forgot that an dearly appreciated Buster fer it.
On tha way off tha river Buster seed Sam Walton with his gal Alice an ole Sam waved him on over. Sam was a gittin a container of goods in by river instead of truck an was down thar checkin on it at tha port. Thay all got interduced an got ta talking an visited fer a spell. Alice was shor nuff makin eyes at Jessie an Jessie turned red as a beet. She was a cute lil thang. Anyhow, Sam tole Buster he wanted ta give Buster this here stock he dun got made up fer his new company. Well, Jessie heared all of this an listened up bout what all Sam wanted ta do with his company an ciphered it was a dang good idée an might amount ta sumthin. That’s how cum Jessie had tha idée ta git tha distribution rights ta Mother Nature’s Gift of Youth. Didn’t cost nuthin ta ask fer em an jes might be worth a pile of money one day. That thar Sam was plum passionate bout it all. Sam dun give Buster a hundurt shares of what Sam called WalMart. Buster thanked him but said he didn’t owe him nuthin. But, Sam would have nun of it an made Buster take it. Tole him ta put it back an save it cause he thought it would be worth sumthin one day. Alice batted them eyes at Jessie an tole him an Buster ta cum fer a visit over ta Newport one day soon.
Sam said if thangs worked out right he was gonna move ta Bentonville in Northwest Arkansas an if thay was ever in them parts he would be proud ta have him over. Said Helen always had sumthin on tha stove.
After Buster got back in ta tha house with tha chicken feed, he found out his grandpa Lawrence Tipton was cumin from Kentucky ta visit him fer a spell. He’s tha one that give Buster his name, Buster, when he was jes a pup. Taught him ta drank white lightenin too outa of hisn bottle when he looked after Buster down at 4 Forks.
Grandpa Lawrence would go out an git a mess of squirrels an cook up sum broth with em an feed Buster tha broth outa his bottle cause he said that boy would eat ya outa house an home.
All tha boys got ta talking one evening after Wednesday nite services at tha Baptist Church whar Howard went an Jessie says he got tha idée whar ta go. He wanted ta see if tha rest of tha boys thought it was was a good idée too. Jessie said let’s go ta tha Bahama Islands . Jessie said he dun went ta tha library an read up on it an it shor seemed like all tha families would have a rip snortin time over thar. Tha boys all agreed that it was a good idée an made up ta git all tha folks tagather ta hash it all out an plan thar vacation.
Reckon all concerned went along with agoin thar an plans was made ta go tha following vacation from school. Thay ain’t never ben on no airplane an thay was all lookin forward ta it. Well thay all met up on a Thursday an off thay went. Buster’s grandpa Lawrence had a few white knuckles but everbody shor did take ta that flyin. Thay had ta change airplanes in Miami , Florida but danged if tha plane dun whacked another airplanes wang taxiin inta tha terminal thar. Well sir, tha trip folks dun put em all on a boat bound fer tha island. Heck fire, it was only 52 miles cross thar. Anyhow thay got thar in late evening an got all settled in fer thar stay an was a gittin ready fer day trips an sich to other islands thar bouts. Thay had a new resort with all manner of thangs ta do an tha other islands had sights an water sports ta enjoy as well. Thay all went ta Nassau an Abaco an Exuma an day trips by boat ta little islands fer picnics an swimming. Tha boys dun larned ta do that scuba divin an Howard especially liked it cause of all tha different critters he seed. Course them sharks didn’t seem nun to frenly but thay didn’t bother nobody. Well, Buster took ta scuba divin like a fish ta water. He even got em all ta do a shark dive an him an Howard was a pettin tha durn thangs. Thay all went ta swim with tha dolphins an thar mas an pas had a right good time doin that. Tha wimmin folk went a shoppin an bought all manner of doodads ta take home. Grandpa Lawrence an the men folk got sum local type vittles an rum an jes layed up on tha beach like a hog in sunshine. Thar was one feller thar that was divin with tha boys an thay got right frenly with him. Name of Doug Williams. Well, ole Doug jumped in tha water ta go a divin an his durn haid swole up bigger than a basketball, I tell ya. Never did see sich a sight. Sum doctors looked at him an tole him he’d have ta stay on tha island till tha swellin cum down. Well now he layed up in his room an asked Buster an tha boys ifn thay could help him out a bit. Said thar was sum kinda danged crickets a chirpin an thay was a drivin him nuts with his haid all swole up an all an could tha boys shoo em off or stomp on em or sumthin! Them dang crickets weren’t nuthin like tha ones at home fer shor. Thay was bigger than hen’s aig an fast ta boot. If it weren’t sumthin ta see them boys after them crickets; it were shor nuff was a laughin sight if ya ever seed one. Ole Doug was a hollerin ta make make em stop that chirpin an tha boys was a stompin like thay was a cloggin on a Saturday nite.
Tha next day thay sit ole doug out in tha sun fer a spell on tha beach an went on thar way explorin. When thay cum back, Doug was shor nuff in pitiful shape. He dun fell asleep in hisn chair an got sunburnt sumthin fierce. He blistered up like that thar bubble wrap.
Boy oh boy was he wailin with them blisters an that swole up haid. Thay got tha boy over ta a doctor an ain’t seed him since. Reckon he healed up a mite an went on back home ta Oklahoma whar he was from.
Buster was a explorin along tha beach an dun found hisself sumthin real excitin! He knowed that thang a stickin up outa tha sand had ta be a part of a airplane wang. Time he got back ta tha other boys tha tide cum in an he couldn’t git back ta whar it was.
Well it weren’t that tha boys didn’t believe Buster but thay thought it had ta be a stick or a log or sumthin like that. Thay made up ta go back thar tha next day an look at it with Buster. Shor nuff tha next day thay lit out ta find out what it was Buster dun found. When thay got thar, thar it was plain as day, a tip of a airplane wang stickin up outa tha sand. Thay went ta digging an was have a dickens of a time tryin ta dig it out an soon figured tha need sum bigger equipment than what thay had on hand. Well tha boys left on outa thar ta git sum tools an stopped ta git em a conch salad an a Miami Vice drink at tha bar. Course thar folks didn’t no nuthin bout that. When tha boys got back ta tha beach thar was a couple of rough lookin characters a lurkin bout. Thay didn’t say nuthin ta tha boys an kept thar distance but was a watchin them boys intense like; real interested in what thay was a doin. Tha boys kept at tha digging till thay could see inta tha cockpit of that airplane. Weren’t much ta see but a frame an sich but Walter dun up an hollered, lookee hear boys, see what I dun latched onto. It was a steel box of sum kind or tother an heavy as all git out ta move outa tha sand an water. Buster hunkered down an got a holt an got er ta movin an tha other boys jumped in an thay yanked er outa thar. Fair sized box, bout like a small suitcase. Well, thay tried ta open tha durn thang but it weren’t ta be with tools at hand so thay decided ta go back ta town an git er open thar. Them two unsavory characters was really starin at em hard an was a cumin on toward tha boys when grandpa Lawrence drove up in one of them rented dune buggies. Said he was a lookin all over fer em cause thar folks wanted to go ta sum shindig with em that evening. Thay tole Buster’s grandpa Lawrence what thay dun found so he puts tha box in tha dune buggy an thay all head off toward town. When thay got thar thay had ta git ready ta go with tha folks so thay didn’t have time ta open tha box. Grandpa Lawrence put tha box in his bathtub cause it was a leakin water. After all of em was ready an rarin ta go out fer supper an tha dueins, sum kinda show tha locals put on, tha boys made up real quick ta git back as soon as thay could an open that box. Tha evenin was a long un but real fun but grandpa Lawrence an Buster’s grandpa Gus left on out early cause of grandpa Lawrence’s gout was a actin up sum. When thay got back ta thar hotel thay seed a light flicker a bit goin in grandpa Lawrence’s room. Well them two fellers was a handful, I tell ya, ifn robbers were lookin fer trouble thay jes found it. Both them men hit like tha kick of a mule. Grandpa Gus used ta be a boxer an athlete in tha Paris games durin WWI an grandpa Lawerence could pole ax a mule with one lick tween tha eyes. Weren’t no man Buster ever seed as stout as his grandpa Lawerence. Why he even seed him out pull his two mules once; whopped em up an sent ta tha barn an moved a sled of logs hisself. Pulled a 12 foot cross tie outa tha mud an waddled out with it. When grandpa Lawrence reached down an begin ta lift ya could hear tha suction from tha mud an water as she begin ta move. Throwed that ole tie over his shoulder an tole Buster’s grandpa Gus an his daddy Russell ta cum alive thay was a burnin daylite. Wore a size 60 overall too; big as a barrel.
Anyhow both of em laid in an waited fer them two fellers ta cum outa grandpa Lawrence ’s room. Thay seen thay was a wrestlin with that steel box so thay cum right up on them fellers an give them two thieves a thrashin thay won’t soon fergit. Both of em tried ta reach fer thar guns but weren’t no time fer that. Grandpa Gus waylaid hisn right quick with a uppercut that took out more’n two teeth. Grandpa Lawrence was right incensed cause he recognized tha both of them fellers an didn’t take kindly ta a thief. He doepopped tha feller he had throttled an then tossed him plum over tha balcony bout 20 feet in tha sand. Tha ruckus was a witnessed by sum other folks stayin thar an thay called tha po-leece. Thay cum a runnin an toted them two theivin fellers off ta jail. It was all real exciting but weren’t nuthin ta Buster’s two grandpas.
Thay jes had em a little snort of that rum an sit an relaxed a spell fore bedtime. Tha boys an folks all cum on in an heared tha story an made up ta open that box in tha mornin.
Right after breakfast two fellers cum up ta talk ta tha boys an thar folks bout that box. Said thay was Dalton an Devane from tha Presidential Corps or sum sich organization that was a lookin out fer tha rightful owners of tha box. Well, grandpa Lawerence went in ta git tha box an thay all was a gonna git er opened up. The two fellers had sum sort of tools ta git in it an popped it open without a hitch. Lo an behold, it was empty as a jug on Saturday nite. Well, them two fellers said how thay appreciated all tha help an give tha folks a card ta call them ifn thar was any more trouble. Reckon it was a big let down with tha box bein empty an all. Everbody went bout thar day an tha boys took on off ta tha beach agin. Well if that Walter an Howard weren’t slick. Thay dun snuck in grandpa Lawrence’s room when all tha talk cum up of what was in tha box. Walter an Howard knowed a feller over at Square Deal Pawn Shop that taught em how ta pick a lock. Them two got er opened in nuthin flat. Guess what thay dun found? A map! It was in a tube that was waterproof an was in mint condition. Walter an Howard jes couldn’t wait ta spill tha beans on what thay dun dun. Buster an Jessie figured as much cause thay jes wasn’t gonna let anybody git one up on em. All them boys thinks jes alike ya know.
Buster, Walter, Jessie an Howard was purty good at figurin out thangs; thay didn’t fall off no turnip truck fer shor. Ya see, ole Charlie Snider, a feller thay all knowed back home dun started tha “Union of Planners an Thinkers” of which all tha boys was all a charter member. Thay all studied on that old map an it turned out ta be a map ta treasure fer shor. Thar was all manner of trinkets an baubles with tha main piece an it all had ta be worth a fortune. Seemed ta be buried out past tha mangroves on a sand spit bout 20 foot deep. Trouble was it was gonna be a pickle ta git out of thar. Shor nuff had ta keep it quite cause of all tha interest from all sides; crooks an govmint. Boys larned a long time ago ya had ta earn trust.
Tha next day tha boys seed a feller thay met scuba divin an asked him ifn he knowed whar tha place was thay had found on tha map. Thay didn’t let on it was a treasure map but jes was a wonderin how ta get out thar. This ole boy was a local feller an liked ta have a snort or two durin tha day an quite a few at nite. Tha boys has seed him over at tha Capt’n’s Table, a local club, fer a few nites when thay was checkin out tha local nite life. Nigel was hisn name an tha feller also played in a band on tha island too, drove a taxi an guided folks fer extra money as well as workin tha dive boat.
Nigel says he could take tha boys out that evening as he had ta catch a few fish fer a special dinner his boss was havin later that nite. Well, off thay took an tha boat thay was on was a real humdinger. Reckon ya called it a yacht cause it was real fancy. It had a little crane on tha back, stern as it is called, that was used ta hoist supplies an personal watercraft. When thay got out ta whar thay figured tha stash was hid, thay jes lollygagged round a bit an waited till Nigel went fishin with hisn spear gun. Tha boys checked out whar it showed on tha map an shor nuff it stuck out like a sore thumb. Ya jes had ta know what ya was lookin fer. Well now tha boys had ta make a decision on how ta go bout getting that loot outa thar. A puzzlement fer shor cause ifn thay spilled tha beans ever burrhaid an peckerwood in tha islands would be thar lookin fer who knows what but thinking thar was money in tha air. Tha boys figured ta rent em a boat tha next day an have a closer look.
Thay dun hustled em up sum gear an all an tools an got ready ta take off when grandpa Lawrence cum up on em. He asked tha boys what thay was a gonna do an wouldn’t have nun of it bout leavin him behind. So thay had ta tell him bout what thay had dun; tha whole story so fer. Well, grandpa Lawrence said ta tha boys ifn thay didn’t remember when Buster an him was a playin them funny dominoes with tha taxi drivers tha other day; Caribbean dominoes thay called em. Thay said yeah thay remembered when Buster an him beat em three games in a row. Them dominoes had metal plates in em an ya had ta slap down hard when ya made a play. Took tha longest time ta convince them fellers ta even let em play an it appears tha only reason thay did was that couple of tha fellers had to leave fer fares. Granpa Lawrence an Buster put a whoopin tha likes thay never seed afore. Them local boys didn’t think nobody could beat em especially sumbody from tha States. Thay was all a wonder up till that final game. Buster jumped up an hollered, “this white boy might not be able ta jump, but he shor can beat your tails at dominoes” an then slammed down that final rock ta win tha game. After that them native boys called em “Conchey Joes” an cepted em like thay lived thar all thar lives. Anyhow, grandpa Lawrence got ta be real frenly with one of tha fellers that tended a real fine boat fer sum folks back East an he took her out ever so often ta keep er fit. He reckoned he could get him ta take em all over ta whar tha treasure was an he shor nuff knowed how ta keep his mouth shut. Loose lips sink ships, he said. Well, thay changed horses in tha middle of tha stream like John Wayne an caught up with Hartley at tha dock near town. Grandpa Lawrence had a lil setee with Hartley an he hollered fer em ta git aboard. Thay got on over ta tha site an jumped right on in. All tha markers was thar from tha map an after a bit of exploring thay found a entrance ta a underwater cave that opened up ta a right nice room; fresh air an all. Danged if thay didn’t find all sorts of doodads but nuthin real special like tha map said. Jessie dun got plum perplexed. He got ta studin tha map an finally Walter piped up an says ya got it all wrong boys. Well, thay all says, how’s that? He says y’all are figurin distance our way back home an not tha way a sailor does it. Whatcha mean says Howard? Well, it goes like this an then Walter explains it to em as he larned it a weldin on a Navy job one summer on tha coast with his uncle Frank. You dun figured 1 statute mile whar thay figured jes a plain mile. A statute mile is our regular mile of 5,280 feet whar thar mile is 5,400 feet. Thar mile is 7.5 cables with 120 fathoms bein 1 cable an 6 feet bein a fathom. So Walter says y’all is 120 feet offen tha mark. Well I be danged ifn you ain’t sumthin Walter. Got sumthin a workin real good ‘tween them ears grandpa Lawrence says ta Walter. Ole Walter was as proud as punch an a grinning like he dun got his first kiss. Howard stepped off tha 120 feet an begin ta digging in tha sand. Wasn’t long till thay cum ta a heck of a big hunk a glimmerin thar in tha streamers of sunshine leakin thru tha ceiling of tha cave. Ya see after thay got up in tha cave it run back inta that spit of sand ta solid rock an was above water level. That chunk of whatever it was jes wouldn’t budge an inch. Tha boys all dug a bit more an seed what it was. A statue of sum kind that appeared ta be gold. Grandpa Lawrence hollered fer Buster ta cum on over an git a holt. Now Buster was right stout hisself but his grandpa Lawrence was really a man’s man. Ain’t no telling what tha man could lift. Back in Tipton Holler, grandpa Tipton dun had hisself a reputation fer bein a hard man an gosh awful stout too. One time he picked up a wagon an throwed on 10 boys cause thay was a disrepectin his gals an that’s after he dun whooped 5 of em. Men an wimmin folk was all a mite tuffer than whit leather whar thay cum from in tha hills an sum rougher than a cob at that. Buster’s grandpa Crawford was a called Panther cause when one nite late he was a ridin inta tha homeplace a panther jumped on him from a tree whilst he was a horse back. Grandpa Crawford kilt that thar panther deader than a hammer an wa always knowed as Panther Crawford from that day on.
Guess he was scrathched a mite but nuthin a lil of grandma’s potion wouldn’t cure. Anyhow, thay both hunkered down an grabbed a holt of that thar statue. Grandpa Lawrence tole tha other boys ta git what thay could ta put under it when thay raised it a mite. Ya could see tha veins in thar necks jes a bulging. Sweat popped out on thar forehaids like dewdrops. Thay corded up tighter than dick’s hatband an begin ta liftin. What a sight of strength tha boys seed that day. ‘Tween tha two of em thay lifted that statue an inch; then two; then six; a foot an grandpa Lawrrence says ta put in tha blocks. Buster an grandpa turned er a loose anhe says ta Buster, now Buster put yore back inta her now, we gonna raise her up good an proper now blister or bleed. Buster says to his grandpa Lawrence, I ain’t quitin, I’ll do my part. Grandpa Lawrence says he never thought otherwise. Then no circus strongman nor weightlifter dun what them two dun. Thay got em a good grip an layed inta that statue. After bout ten ta fifteen seconds that durn statue plum raised right strait up. All tha boys got up under it an got her propped up real good an went ta gawkin. It was a life size statue of tha Madonna; Jesus’s mama. Solid gold at that. Now that was sumthin ta see. Now how in tha devil thay was ta git it outa thar was another question. Thay pulled a winch line in from tha boat an purt near took out tha whole back end of a 70 foot yacht. Had ta turn her a loose. Thay all discussed tha situation an decided ta cum back later tha next day after a ponderin on it fer a bit. Thay all headed on back ta tha boat an when thay got on board thay seed ole Hartley with hisn hands in tha air. Thar was them two fellers that tried ta steal tha map an two more that looked like sum kinda furriner. Had rags on thar haids of sum sort. Right mean lookin with fuuny lookin knives in thar belts. Them other two looked kinda dark complected like a Italian or Latin person. Them fellers tole all of tha boys an grandpa Lawrence ta put em up an then begin ta questionin em bout what thay was s doin an ifn thay found anything. Thay got right fretful an smacked grandpa Lawrence an then each of tha boys. Now that didn’t sit well neither with any of em. Them furrin fellers dun bit offen more’n thay could chew cause gun or no gun, whoopins come cheap in cotton country. Ain’t nobody gonna smack grandpa an especially his own. Them fellers was in fer a peck of trouble an trouble was a cumin. Them fellers put all tha boys an Hartley an grandpa Lawrence down in tha staterooms an trussed em up real good. Thay then motored tha boat away from tha site fer a spell an kilt tha engines.
Thay was a jabberin in sum kinda tongue nobody understood an finally thay cum back down an said thay give em till morning ta talk or thay was gonna start killin em one by one. Ya gotta say this bout tha boys; thay was in a pickle an knowed it was serious like but weren’t nun of em a skeered an a cryin an wimpin out. Thay was a figurin jes how ta waylay them nefarious scoundrels. Now bad as this sounds, grandpa Lawerence had sum of the tuffest an longest toenails ya ever seed on a body. Took tin snips ta trim em. Guess he went barefoot so much as a youngun that thay got tuff like that. Thay was also sharp too. Well, grandpa Lawrence tole Buster ta back up to him an he begin ta sawin them ropes with his toenail. Took a while but he finally got that rope ta fray an then Buster jes up an busted em a loose. He then untied everbody else an then grandpa Lawerence says ta the boys that he would take it from thar. Now tha boys said weren’t no way he was a goin it alone.
They knowed he could whop em all but thay was too scattered out on tha boat an thay needed ta coordinate thar attack. Thay made em up a good plan an Hartley knowed whar a flare gun an spear gun was down thar an a knife or two ta boot. Thar was also a gaff an sumthin like a tire knocker ta knock fish in tha haid as well.
Thay all let it git in tha morning early when thay least expected a ruckus an then went inta action. Jes as thay was bout ta git on with tha show a boat load of other fellers showed up that was with them other four. Now tha shoe was on tha other foot. Day was jes a breakin when tha fireworks started up. Two more speedboats an a coupla helicopters showed up too. Them two govmint fellers, Dalton an Devane dun rappelled ta tha deck from tha helicopters with sum soldier lookin fellers an tha shootin commenced. Grandpa Lawrence was fit ta be tied. He up an run an grabbed one of tha fellers tha one that dun whacked Buster an picked him up over his haid an brung him down on his back over hisn knee. Ya could hear tha bones a breakin like a moose runnin in tha woods. Kilt him deader than a doornail. Tha next feller was a firin his gun at one of tha men that cum in tha fracas ta help em an grandpa Lawrence snatched him up squoze him in a bear hug like a sack of beans. Weren’t nuthin left ta be said fer that feller but grandpa Lawrence was a telling him it was tha last time he was gonna whack an threaten tha boys an jes so’s he knowed who dun it he tole him his name was Lawrence Camden Tipton an you didn’t cum up an do what he dun ta his kin or charges. That was tha last of that feller as ya could hear his last gasp fer air. He was nuthin but jelly when grandpa put him down. Bout that time thay was a spillin over tha side rails of tha boat an gosh a Friday thar was Howard’s pa, all 6’6” of him, an Walter’s pa, an Buster’s grandpa Gus, an Jessie’s pa Jessie II too. Thay was in tha fracas fer shor an left em lay in a swath de-struction. Them men was plum riled an showed what menfolk from tha south dun ta pertect thar own. Several of tha bad guys was layed out fer buryin an all tha rest of em captured. Not a one got away. Three or four of tha soldiers got a nick or two but was in fine fetter otherwise.
Everbody went on back ta port an ta town fer a lil discussion. Dalton an Devane did all tha talkin an tha local Po-leece jes hung back an did what was asked of em. All tha mamas was thar fer tha boys but thar really wasn’t no squallin. Thay was right worried an all but knowed thar boys could handle themselves. But, thay did git hugs an kisses whether tha boys liked it or not an so did tha menfolks.
Supper was brought in an all tha folks an Dalton an Devane was thar an thay asked tha boys a bunch of questions. What thay dun found an how thay cum by tha map an all. Tha boys an grandpa Lawrence tole em tha whole story an how ta git in thar an how Walter figured out how the distance was wrong. Dalton said tha statue was stole from tha Catholic Church durin WWII. Ya see sum of them Catholics in tha Vatican helped sum of tha Nazis get away from Germany when thay seen thay was losin tha war. Well, tha Nazis dubble crossed tha Catholic priests that helped em an stole tha most sacred icon of tha Church plus what was inside. Now thay wouldn’t tell what was inside tha statue but it was so important that havin it would turn tha tide of power in tha world. Every country wanted that statue an that’s why Italians an Arabs an South Americans an Cubans wanted it. Heck even a Russian or two was in tha bunch that was rounded up. Tha Presidential Corps was sent ta fetch her back ta retain tha balance of power in tha world.
Dalton said tha boys dun what nobody had dun so far an did one heck of a fine job fer tha United States of America . Thar was a debriefin of sorts an all tha boys an folks had ta pledge not ta say a thang bout this adventure. Hartley an Nigel was also visited by tha appropriate authorities an tole tha same thang. All tha folks was sent on thar way an tole ta enjoy tha rest of thar vacation.
Don’t ya know all was a twitter when thay got back ta thar hotel an with thar folks. Thay stayed up most of tha nite a talkin an discussin an then tha folks would cum tagather an visit sum more. Lots of coffee was drank that nite.
Tha boys didn’t rightly git off scot free cause tha folks was worried sick fer em but tha boys knew tha routine; jes never was this serious afore. Ya know, a lil stuttin was ta be expected but nun cum of it. Tha men folk jes took care of thar own an thar wimmin jes knowed it ta be dun. Thang bout folks down home is thay was tha kind ta ride tha river with. But tha thang that was talked bout was what Buster an grandpa Lawrence dun a liftin that thar statue an Walter’s cipherin on distance an all. That was sumthin fer shor.
After tha following week, tha boys an thar folks went on back home on tha airplane all tha way this time. Bout a week after thay got back thar was a visit from Dalton an Devane. Danged if Walter’s Uncle Jeff wasn’t thar too. He cum with em. Walter said ta tha boys, now don’t that beat all! Uncle Jeff shook Walter’s hand an even give him a hug in private. Seems as though them trinkets an baubles was old pirate treasure an not nun of tha stolen Nazi loot from tha Church . So, it was finders keepers under tha salvage rights of tha sea. Thay had taxes an had ta pay a portion ta tha Govmint of tha Bahamas but it left a right nice sum fer tha boys. Tha boys said thay wanted ta share a piece with Hartley an Nigel too an all thar folks would git a chunk as well. Seems like thay dun fell in agin an cum out smellin like a rose. Dalton an Devane tole tha boys ifn thay ever wanted ta join em in tha Presidential Corps thay was welcome. Uncle Jeff jes winked at Walter an tole him he would see him as soon as he could git away. Said he was right proud of his nephew.
Before Dalton an Devane left, thay presented a letter ta each of tha boys an grandpa Lawrence an tha men folk. It was a special letter from tha President of tha United States of America . Tha boys’ letters was a mite different from tha rest but basically it said thay had a commission ta any military academy of thar choice if thay had a mind ta attend an thar country recognized thar patriotism, loyalty an duty ta tha USA .
Reckon it was one heck of a vacation an thay had ta git home ta git sum rest from it all. Tha folks all said if tha second vacation was anything like tha first thay was gonna have ta think bout goin. Them boys shor nuff knowed how ta git in sum fixes.
Well Jessie an Buster was down on tha river one evening last month an was a gatherin spilled beans, corn, maize an rice fer chicken feed. The grain would spill a mite or overflow offen tha barges an tha folks thar would let Buster pick up what he could fer hisself. Thay kind liked Buster jes cause he was a likable type feller always with a smile ya know. Tha other thang was once one of tha deck hands was on tha tender an got hisself caught tween that an a pilin. Buster pushed tha boat offen tha man an got him aloose without nary a scratch. Now ya say, how could that be. Well, as a wave from a passin tug rocked tha tender inta tha pilin, tha dolphin kept it offa his laig but pinned him thar. Tha tender got hung up like two cars bumper ta bumper get hung up with one a pushin tha other. Buster jes had tha stout ta git offen him is all. He used tha force of tha water an his strength ta move that boat. Anyhow, all those fellers down on tha river never forgot that an dearly appreciated Buster fer it.
On tha way off tha river Buster seed Sam Walton with his gal Alice an ole Sam waved him on over. Sam was a gittin a container of goods in by river instead of truck an was down thar checkin on it at tha port. Thay all got interduced an got ta talking an visited fer a spell. Alice was shor nuff makin eyes at Jessie an Jessie turned red as a beet. She was a cute lil thang. Anyhow, Sam tole Buster he wanted ta give Buster this here stock he dun got made up fer his new company. Well, Jessie heared all of this an listened up bout what all Sam wanted ta do with his company an ciphered it was a dang good idée an might amount ta sumthin. That’s how cum Jessie had tha idée ta git tha distribution rights ta Mother Nature’s Gift of Youth. Didn’t cost nuthin ta ask fer em an jes might be worth a pile of money one day. That thar Sam was plum passionate bout it all. Sam dun give Buster a hundurt shares of what Sam called WalMart. Buster thanked him but said he didn’t owe him nuthin. But, Sam would have nun of it an made Buster take it. Tole him ta put it back an save it cause he thought it would be worth sumthin one day. Alice batted them eyes at Jessie an tole him an Buster ta cum fer a visit over ta Newport one day soon.
Sam said if thangs worked out right he was gonna move ta Bentonville in Northwest Arkansas an if thay was ever in them parts he would be proud ta have him over. Said Helen always had sumthin on tha stove.
After Buster got back in ta tha house with tha chicken feed, he found out his grandpa Lawrence Tipton was cumin from Kentucky ta visit him fer a spell. He’s tha one that give Buster his name, Buster, when he was jes a pup. Taught him ta drank white lightenin too outa of hisn bottle when he looked after Buster down at 4 Forks.
Grandpa Lawrence would go out an git a mess of squirrels an cook up sum broth with em an feed Buster tha broth outa his bottle cause he said that boy would eat ya outa house an home.
All tha boys got ta talking one evening after Wednesday nite services at tha Baptist Church whar Howard went an Jessie says he got tha idée whar ta go. He wanted ta see if tha rest of tha boys thought it was was a good idée too. Jessie said let’s go ta tha Bahama Islands . Jessie said he dun went ta tha library an read up on it an it shor seemed like all tha families would have a rip snortin time over thar. Tha boys all agreed that it was a good idée an made up ta git all tha folks tagather ta hash it all out an plan thar vacation.
Reckon all concerned went along with agoin thar an plans was made ta go tha following vacation from school. Thay ain’t never ben on no airplane an thay was all lookin forward ta it. Well thay all met up on a Thursday an off thay went. Buster’s grandpa Lawrence had a few white knuckles but everbody shor did take ta that flyin. Thay had ta change airplanes in Miami , Florida but danged if tha plane dun whacked another airplanes wang taxiin inta tha terminal thar. Well sir, tha trip folks dun put em all on a boat bound fer tha island. Heck fire, it was only 52 miles cross thar. Anyhow thay got thar in late evening an got all settled in fer thar stay an was a gittin ready fer day trips an sich to other islands thar bouts. Thay had a new resort with all manner of thangs ta do an tha other islands had sights an water sports ta enjoy as well. Thay all went ta Nassau an Abaco an Exuma an day trips by boat ta little islands fer picnics an swimming. Tha boys dun larned ta do that scuba divin an Howard especially liked it cause of all tha different critters he seed. Course them sharks didn’t seem nun to frenly but thay didn’t bother nobody. Well, Buster took ta scuba divin like a fish ta water. He even got em all ta do a shark dive an him an Howard was a pettin tha durn thangs. Thay all went ta swim with tha dolphins an thar mas an pas had a right good time doin that. Tha wimmin folk went a shoppin an bought all manner of doodads ta take home. Grandpa Lawrence an the men folk got sum local type vittles an rum an jes layed up on tha beach like a hog in sunshine. Thar was one feller thar that was divin with tha boys an thay got right frenly with him. Name of Doug Williams. Well, ole Doug jumped in tha water ta go a divin an his durn haid swole up bigger than a basketball, I tell ya. Never did see sich a sight. Sum doctors looked at him an tole him he’d have ta stay on tha island till tha swellin cum down. Well now he layed up in his room an asked Buster an tha boys ifn thay could help him out a bit. Said thar was sum kinda danged crickets a chirpin an thay was a drivin him nuts with his haid all swole up an all an could tha boys shoo em off or stomp on em or sumthin! Them dang crickets weren’t nuthin like tha ones at home fer shor. Thay was bigger than hen’s aig an fast ta boot. If it weren’t sumthin ta see them boys after them crickets; it were shor nuff was a laughin sight if ya ever seed one. Ole Doug was a hollerin ta make make em stop that chirpin an tha boys was a stompin like thay was a cloggin on a Saturday nite.
Tha next day thay sit ole doug out in tha sun fer a spell on tha beach an went on thar way explorin. When thay cum back, Doug was shor nuff in pitiful shape. He dun fell asleep in hisn chair an got sunburnt sumthin fierce. He blistered up like that thar bubble wrap.
Boy oh boy was he wailin with them blisters an that swole up haid. Thay got tha boy over ta a doctor an ain’t seed him since. Reckon he healed up a mite an went on back home ta Oklahoma whar he was from.
Buster was a explorin along tha beach an dun found hisself sumthin real excitin! He knowed that thang a stickin up outa tha sand had ta be a part of a airplane wang. Time he got back ta tha other boys tha tide cum in an he couldn’t git back ta whar it was.
Well it weren’t that tha boys didn’t believe Buster but thay thought it had ta be a stick or a log or sumthin like that. Thay made up ta go back thar tha next day an look at it with Buster. Shor nuff tha next day thay lit out ta find out what it was Buster dun found. When thay got thar, thar it was plain as day, a tip of a airplane wang stickin up outa tha sand. Thay went ta digging an was have a dickens of a time tryin ta dig it out an soon figured tha need sum bigger equipment than what thay had on hand. Well tha boys left on outa thar ta git sum tools an stopped ta git em a conch salad an a Miami Vice drink at tha bar. Course thar folks didn’t no nuthin bout that. When tha boys got back ta tha beach thar was a couple of rough lookin characters a lurkin bout. Thay didn’t say nuthin ta tha boys an kept thar distance but was a watchin them boys intense like; real interested in what thay was a doin. Tha boys kept at tha digging till thay could see inta tha cockpit of that airplane. Weren’t much ta see but a frame an sich but Walter dun up an hollered, lookee hear boys, see what I dun latched onto. It was a steel box of sum kind or tother an heavy as all git out ta move outa tha sand an water. Buster hunkered down an got a holt an got er ta movin an tha other boys jumped in an thay yanked er outa thar. Fair sized box, bout like a small suitcase. Well, thay tried ta open tha durn thang but it weren’t ta be with tools at hand so thay decided ta go back ta town an git er open thar. Them two unsavory characters was really starin at em hard an was a cumin on toward tha boys when grandpa Lawrence drove up in one of them rented dune buggies. Said he was a lookin all over fer em cause thar folks wanted to go ta sum shindig with em that evening. Thay tole Buster’s grandpa Lawrence what thay dun found so he puts tha box in tha dune buggy an thay all head off toward town. When thay got thar thay had ta git ready ta go with tha folks so thay didn’t have time ta open tha box. Grandpa Lawrence put tha box in his bathtub cause it was a leakin water. After all of em was ready an rarin ta go out fer supper an tha dueins, sum kinda show tha locals put on, tha boys made up real quick ta git back as soon as thay could an open that box. Tha evenin was a long un but real fun but grandpa Lawrence an Buster’s grandpa Gus left on out early cause of grandpa Lawrence’s gout was a actin up sum. When thay got back ta thar hotel thay seed a light flicker a bit goin in grandpa Lawrence’s room. Well them two fellers was a handful, I tell ya, ifn robbers were lookin fer trouble thay jes found it. Both them men hit like tha kick of a mule. Grandpa Gus used ta be a boxer an athlete in tha Paris games durin WWI an grandpa Lawerence could pole ax a mule with one lick tween tha eyes. Weren’t no man Buster ever seed as stout as his grandpa Lawerence. Why he even seed him out pull his two mules once; whopped em up an sent ta tha barn an moved a sled of logs hisself. Pulled a 12 foot cross tie outa tha mud an waddled out with it. When grandpa Lawrence reached down an begin ta lift ya could hear tha suction from tha mud an water as she begin ta move. Throwed that ole tie over his shoulder an tole Buster’s grandpa Gus an his daddy Russell ta cum alive thay was a burnin daylite. Wore a size 60 overall too; big as a barrel.
Anyhow both of em laid in an waited fer them two fellers ta cum outa grandpa Lawrence ’s room. Thay seen thay was a wrestlin with that steel box so thay cum right up on them fellers an give them two thieves a thrashin thay won’t soon fergit. Both of em tried ta reach fer thar guns but weren’t no time fer that. Grandpa Gus waylaid hisn right quick with a uppercut that took out more’n two teeth. Grandpa Lawrence was right incensed cause he recognized tha both of them fellers an didn’t take kindly ta a thief. He doepopped tha feller he had throttled an then tossed him plum over tha balcony bout 20 feet in tha sand. Tha ruckus was a witnessed by sum other folks stayin thar an thay called tha po-leece. Thay cum a runnin an toted them two theivin fellers off ta jail. It was all real exciting but weren’t nuthin ta Buster’s two grandpas.
Thay jes had em a little snort of that rum an sit an relaxed a spell fore bedtime. Tha boys an folks all cum on in an heared tha story an made up ta open that box in tha mornin.
Right after breakfast two fellers cum up ta talk ta tha boys an thar folks bout that box. Said thay was Dalton an Devane from tha Presidential Corps or sum sich organization that was a lookin out fer tha rightful owners of tha box. Well, grandpa Lawerence went in ta git tha box an thay all was a gonna git er opened up. The two fellers had sum sort of tools ta git in it an popped it open without a hitch. Lo an behold, it was empty as a jug on Saturday nite. Well, them two fellers said how thay appreciated all tha help an give tha folks a card ta call them ifn thar was any more trouble. Reckon it was a big let down with tha box bein empty an all. Everbody went bout thar day an tha boys took on off ta tha beach agin. Well if that Walter an Howard weren’t slick. Thay dun snuck in grandpa Lawrence’s room when all tha talk cum up of what was in tha box. Walter an Howard knowed a feller over at Square Deal Pawn Shop that taught em how ta pick a lock. Them two got er opened in nuthin flat. Guess what thay dun found? A map! It was in a tube that was waterproof an was in mint condition. Walter an Howard jes couldn’t wait ta spill tha beans on what thay dun dun. Buster an Jessie figured as much cause thay jes wasn’t gonna let anybody git one up on em. All them boys thinks jes alike ya know.
Buster, Walter, Jessie an Howard was purty good at figurin out thangs; thay didn’t fall off no turnip truck fer shor. Ya see, ole Charlie Snider, a feller thay all knowed back home dun started tha “Union of Planners an Thinkers” of which all tha boys was all a charter member. Thay all studied on that old map an it turned out ta be a map ta treasure fer shor. Thar was all manner of trinkets an baubles with tha main piece an it all had ta be worth a fortune. Seemed ta be buried out past tha mangroves on a sand spit bout 20 foot deep. Trouble was it was gonna be a pickle ta git out of thar. Shor nuff had ta keep it quite cause of all tha interest from all sides; crooks an govmint. Boys larned a long time ago ya had ta earn trust.
Tha next day tha boys seed a feller thay met scuba divin an asked him ifn he knowed whar tha place was thay had found on tha map. Thay didn’t let on it was a treasure map but jes was a wonderin how ta get out thar. This ole boy was a local feller an liked ta have a snort or two durin tha day an quite a few at nite. Tha boys has seed him over at tha Capt’n’s Table, a local club, fer a few nites when thay was checkin out tha local nite life. Nigel was hisn name an tha feller also played in a band on tha island too, drove a taxi an guided folks fer extra money as well as workin tha dive boat.
Nigel says he could take tha boys out that evening as he had ta catch a few fish fer a special dinner his boss was havin later that nite. Well, off thay took an tha boat thay was on was a real humdinger. Reckon ya called it a yacht cause it was real fancy. It had a little crane on tha back, stern as it is called, that was used ta hoist supplies an personal watercraft. When thay got out ta whar thay figured tha stash was hid, thay jes lollygagged round a bit an waited till Nigel went fishin with hisn spear gun. Tha boys checked out whar it showed on tha map an shor nuff it stuck out like a sore thumb. Ya jes had ta know what ya was lookin fer. Well now tha boys had ta make a decision on how ta go bout getting that loot outa thar. A puzzlement fer shor cause ifn thay spilled tha beans ever burrhaid an peckerwood in tha islands would be thar lookin fer who knows what but thinking thar was money in tha air. Tha boys figured ta rent em a boat tha next day an have a closer look.
Thay dun hustled em up sum gear an all an tools an got ready ta take off when grandpa Lawrence cum up on em. He asked tha boys what thay was a gonna do an wouldn’t have nun of it bout leavin him behind. So thay had ta tell him bout what thay had dun; tha whole story so fer. Well, grandpa Lawrence said ta tha boys ifn thay didn’t remember when Buster an him was a playin them funny dominoes with tha taxi drivers tha other day; Caribbean dominoes thay called em. Thay said yeah thay remembered when Buster an him beat em three games in a row. Them dominoes had metal plates in em an ya had ta slap down hard when ya made a play. Took tha longest time ta convince them fellers ta even let em play an it appears tha only reason thay did was that couple of tha fellers had to leave fer fares. Granpa Lawrence an Buster put a whoopin tha likes thay never seed afore. Them local boys didn’t think nobody could beat em especially sumbody from tha States. Thay was all a wonder up till that final game. Buster jumped up an hollered, “this white boy might not be able ta jump, but he shor can beat your tails at dominoes” an then slammed down that final rock ta win tha game. After that them native boys called em “Conchey Joes” an cepted em like thay lived thar all thar lives. Anyhow, grandpa Lawrence got ta be real frenly with one of tha fellers that tended a real fine boat fer sum folks back East an he took her out ever so often ta keep er fit. He reckoned he could get him ta take em all over ta whar tha treasure was an he shor nuff knowed how ta keep his mouth shut. Loose lips sink ships, he said. Well, thay changed horses in tha middle of tha stream like John Wayne an caught up with Hartley at tha dock near town. Grandpa Lawrence had a lil setee with Hartley an he hollered fer em ta git aboard. Thay got on over ta tha site an jumped right on in. All tha markers was thar from tha map an after a bit of exploring thay found a entrance ta a underwater cave that opened up ta a right nice room; fresh air an all. Danged if thay didn’t find all sorts of doodads but nuthin real special like tha map said. Jessie dun got plum perplexed. He got ta studin tha map an finally Walter piped up an says ya got it all wrong boys. Well, thay all says, how’s that? He says y’all are figurin distance our way back home an not tha way a sailor does it. Whatcha mean says Howard? Well, it goes like this an then Walter explains it to em as he larned it a weldin on a Navy job one summer on tha coast with his uncle Frank. You dun figured 1 statute mile whar thay figured jes a plain mile. A statute mile is our regular mile of 5,280 feet whar thar mile is 5,400 feet. Thar mile is 7.5 cables with 120 fathoms bein 1 cable an 6 feet bein a fathom. So Walter says y’all is 120 feet offen tha mark. Well I be danged ifn you ain’t sumthin Walter. Got sumthin a workin real good ‘tween them ears grandpa Lawrence says ta Walter. Ole Walter was as proud as punch an a grinning like he dun got his first kiss. Howard stepped off tha 120 feet an begin ta digging in tha sand. Wasn’t long till thay cum ta a heck of a big hunk a glimmerin thar in tha streamers of sunshine leakin thru tha ceiling of tha cave. Ya see after thay got up in tha cave it run back inta that spit of sand ta solid rock an was above water level. That chunk of whatever it was jes wouldn’t budge an inch. Tha boys all dug a bit more an seed what it was. A statue of sum kind that appeared ta be gold. Grandpa Lawrence hollered fer Buster ta cum on over an git a holt. Now Buster was right stout hisself but his grandpa Lawrence was really a man’s man. Ain’t no telling what tha man could lift. Back in Tipton Holler, grandpa Tipton dun had hisself a reputation fer bein a hard man an gosh awful stout too. One time he picked up a wagon an throwed on 10 boys cause thay was a disrepectin his gals an that’s after he dun whooped 5 of em. Men an wimmin folk was all a mite tuffer than whit leather whar thay cum from in tha hills an sum rougher than a cob at that. Buster’s grandpa Crawford was a called Panther cause when one nite late he was a ridin inta tha homeplace a panther jumped on him from a tree whilst he was a horse back. Grandpa Crawford kilt that thar panther deader than a hammer an wa always knowed as Panther Crawford from that day on.
Guess he was scrathched a mite but nuthin a lil of grandma’s potion wouldn’t cure. Anyhow, thay both hunkered down an grabbed a holt of that thar statue. Grandpa Lawrence tole tha other boys ta git what thay could ta put under it when thay raised it a mite. Ya could see tha veins in thar necks jes a bulging. Sweat popped out on thar forehaids like dewdrops. Thay corded up tighter than dick’s hatband an begin ta liftin. What a sight of strength tha boys seed that day. ‘Tween tha two of em thay lifted that statue an inch; then two; then six; a foot an grandpa Lawrrence says ta put in tha blocks. Buster an grandpa turned er a loose anhe says ta Buster, now Buster put yore back inta her now, we gonna raise her up good an proper now blister or bleed. Buster says to his grandpa Lawrence, I ain’t quitin, I’ll do my part. Grandpa Lawrence says he never thought otherwise. Then no circus strongman nor weightlifter dun what them two dun. Thay got em a good grip an layed inta that statue. After bout ten ta fifteen seconds that durn statue plum raised right strait up. All tha boys got up under it an got her propped up real good an went ta gawkin. It was a life size statue of tha Madonna; Jesus’s mama. Solid gold at that. Now that was sumthin ta see. Now how in tha devil thay was ta git it outa thar was another question. Thay pulled a winch line in from tha boat an purt near took out tha whole back end of a 70 foot yacht. Had ta turn her a loose. Thay all discussed tha situation an decided ta cum back later tha next day after a ponderin on it fer a bit. Thay all headed on back ta tha boat an when thay got on board thay seed ole Hartley with hisn hands in tha air. Thar was them two fellers that tried ta steal tha map an two more that looked like sum kinda furriner. Had rags on thar haids of sum sort. Right mean lookin with fuuny lookin knives in thar belts. Them other two looked kinda dark complected like a Italian or Latin person. Them fellers tole all of tha boys an grandpa Lawrence ta put em up an then begin ta questionin em bout what thay was s doin an ifn thay found anything. Thay got right fretful an smacked grandpa Lawrence an then each of tha boys. Now that didn’t sit well neither with any of em. Them furrin fellers dun bit offen more’n thay could chew cause gun or no gun, whoopins come cheap in cotton country. Ain’t nobody gonna smack grandpa an especially his own. Them fellers was in fer a peck of trouble an trouble was a cumin. Them fellers put all tha boys an Hartley an grandpa Lawrence down in tha staterooms an trussed em up real good. Thay then motored tha boat away from tha site fer a spell an kilt tha engines.
Thay was a jabberin in sum kinda tongue nobody understood an finally thay cum back down an said thay give em till morning ta talk or thay was gonna start killin em one by one. Ya gotta say this bout tha boys; thay was in a pickle an knowed it was serious like but weren’t nun of em a skeered an a cryin an wimpin out. Thay was a figurin jes how ta waylay them nefarious scoundrels. Now bad as this sounds, grandpa Lawerence had sum of the tuffest an longest toenails ya ever seed on a body. Took tin snips ta trim em. Guess he went barefoot so much as a youngun that thay got tuff like that. Thay was also sharp too. Well, grandpa Lawrence tole Buster ta back up to him an he begin ta sawin them ropes with his toenail. Took a while but he finally got that rope ta fray an then Buster jes up an busted em a loose. He then untied everbody else an then grandpa Lawerence says ta the boys that he would take it from thar. Now tha boys said weren’t no way he was a goin it alone.
They knowed he could whop em all but thay was too scattered out on tha boat an thay needed ta coordinate thar attack. Thay made em up a good plan an Hartley knowed whar a flare gun an spear gun was down thar an a knife or two ta boot. Thar was also a gaff an sumthin like a tire knocker ta knock fish in tha haid as well.
Thay all let it git in tha morning early when thay least expected a ruckus an then went inta action. Jes as thay was bout ta git on with tha show a boat load of other fellers showed up that was with them other four. Now tha shoe was on tha other foot. Day was jes a breakin when tha fireworks started up. Two more speedboats an a coupla helicopters showed up too. Them two govmint fellers, Dalton an Devane dun rappelled ta tha deck from tha helicopters with sum soldier lookin fellers an tha shootin commenced. Grandpa Lawrence was fit ta be tied. He up an run an grabbed one of tha fellers tha one that dun whacked Buster an picked him up over his haid an brung him down on his back over hisn knee. Ya could hear tha bones a breakin like a moose runnin in tha woods. Kilt him deader than a doornail. Tha next feller was a firin his gun at one of tha men that cum in tha fracas ta help em an grandpa Lawrence snatched him up squoze him in a bear hug like a sack of beans. Weren’t nuthin left ta be said fer that feller but grandpa Lawrence was a telling him it was tha last time he was gonna whack an threaten tha boys an jes so’s he knowed who dun it he tole him his name was Lawrence Camden Tipton an you didn’t cum up an do what he dun ta his kin or charges. That was tha last of that feller as ya could hear his last gasp fer air. He was nuthin but jelly when grandpa put him down. Bout that time thay was a spillin over tha side rails of tha boat an gosh a Friday thar was Howard’s pa, all 6’6” of him, an Walter’s pa, an Buster’s grandpa Gus, an Jessie’s pa Jessie II too. Thay was in tha fracas fer shor an left em lay in a swath de-struction. Them men was plum riled an showed what menfolk from tha south dun ta pertect thar own. Several of tha bad guys was layed out fer buryin an all tha rest of em captured. Not a one got away. Three or four of tha soldiers got a nick or two but was in fine fetter otherwise.
Everbody went on back ta port an ta town fer a lil discussion. Dalton an Devane did all tha talkin an tha local Po-leece jes hung back an did what was asked of em. All tha mamas was thar fer tha boys but thar really wasn’t no squallin. Thay was right worried an all but knowed thar boys could handle themselves. But, thay did git hugs an kisses whether tha boys liked it or not an so did tha menfolks.
Supper was brought in an all tha folks an Dalton an Devane was thar an thay asked tha boys a bunch of questions. What thay dun found an how thay cum by tha map an all. Tha boys an grandpa Lawrence tole em tha whole story an how ta git in thar an how Walter figured out how the distance was wrong. Dalton said tha statue was stole from tha Catholic Church durin WWII. Ya see sum of them Catholics in tha Vatican helped sum of tha Nazis get away from Germany when thay seen thay was losin tha war. Well, tha Nazis dubble crossed tha Catholic priests that helped em an stole tha most sacred icon of tha Church plus what was inside. Now thay wouldn’t tell what was inside tha statue but it was so important that havin it would turn tha tide of power in tha world. Every country wanted that statue an that’s why Italians an Arabs an South Americans an Cubans wanted it. Heck even a Russian or two was in tha bunch that was rounded up. Tha Presidential Corps was sent ta fetch her back ta retain tha balance of power in tha world.
Dalton said tha boys dun what nobody had dun so far an did one heck of a fine job fer tha United States of America . Thar was a debriefin of sorts an all tha boys an folks had ta pledge not ta say a thang bout this adventure. Hartley an Nigel was also visited by tha appropriate authorities an tole tha same thang. All tha folks was sent on thar way an tole ta enjoy tha rest of thar vacation.
Don’t ya know all was a twitter when thay got back ta thar hotel an with thar folks. Thay stayed up most of tha nite a talkin an discussin an then tha folks would cum tagather an visit sum more. Lots of coffee was drank that nite.
Tha boys didn’t rightly git off scot free cause tha folks was worried sick fer em but tha boys knew tha routine; jes never was this serious afore. Ya know, a lil stuttin was ta be expected but nun cum of it. Tha men folk jes took care of thar own an thar wimmin jes knowed it ta be dun. Thang bout folks down home is thay was tha kind ta ride tha river with. But tha thang that was talked bout was what Buster an grandpa Lawrence dun a liftin that thar statue an Walter’s cipherin on distance an all. That was sumthin fer shor.
After tha following week, tha boys an thar folks went on back home on tha airplane all tha way this time. Bout a week after thay got back thar was a visit from Dalton an Devane. Danged if Walter’s Uncle Jeff wasn’t thar too. He cum with em. Walter said ta tha boys, now don’t that beat all! Uncle Jeff shook Walter’s hand an even give him a hug in private. Seems as though them trinkets an baubles was old pirate treasure an not nun of tha stolen Nazi loot from tha Church . So, it was finders keepers under tha salvage rights of tha sea. Thay had taxes an had ta pay a portion ta tha Govmint of tha Bahamas but it left a right nice sum fer tha boys. Tha boys said thay wanted ta share a piece with Hartley an Nigel too an all thar folks would git a chunk as well. Seems like thay dun fell in agin an cum out smellin like a rose. Dalton an Devane tole tha boys ifn thay ever wanted ta join em in tha Presidential Corps thay was welcome. Uncle Jeff jes winked at Walter an tole him he would see him as soon as he could git away. Said he was right proud of his nephew.
Before Dalton an Devane left, thay presented a letter ta each of tha boys an grandpa Lawrence an tha men folk. It was a special letter from tha President of tha United States of America . Tha boys’ letters was a mite different from tha rest but basically it said thay had a commission ta any military academy of thar choice if thay had a mind ta attend an thar country recognized thar patriotism, loyalty an duty ta tha USA .
Reckon it was one heck of a vacation an thay had ta git home ta git sum rest from it all. Tha folks all said if tha second vacation was anything like tha first thay was gonna have ta think bout goin. Them boys shor nuff knowed how ta git in sum fixes.
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